Before I go further I can shortly say … HORRIBLE !!
“People on the autistic spectrum don’t like changes”
Wel that’s kind of true for me. When there’s something small changed in a supermarket I get frustrated because I have to search for the item I like.
Changing jobs is also very difficult, because you have to meet new people, talk to different people and basicly learn and start all over again (in a strange envoirement).
It gives me HIGH stresslevels.
Mainly the reason I just moved out my safe parents house, after 33 years living on the same place.
Well all that changed toooo last year … I have build my own small house.
Brand new house
As it was a new house, I could chose everything what I wanted. The floor, the colors on the walls (fuxia, my favorite), chose my furniture and design my own kitchen with my dream fridge.
So far … so good you might think?
Well, euhm NOOOOPE
The house was finished in april, and I move in on the 4th of July. Oh yess this Aspiegirl chose this beautiful date as moving out date to have something USA with me. While it can’t be a trip to the place I love the most.
Well, just over a month I live here (with some stay overs at my parents).
The first month
I have a house build next to another house, so I share wall with them. They are not the friendly copple in the street, or what I’m I saying not in whole belgium !
They have their mind fixed on ‘we have a mercedes so we don’t talk to you, you are not good enough’.
Moving here with all the new sounds, etc was very hard. But those new neighbours have NO respect. A few weeks ago they went drinking in their garden till 3.15 AM, while it’s forbidden to make noice in Belgium after 10PM.
Since Wednesday I have a little scared dog in my house. Normally it was a keeper, but he’s just so sad here in the house. So it will not work for him. So this evening (while I’m still here typing my blog) they have another visit with lots of alcohol (I blame the little baby they have).
Those friends brought their dog too and placed him on a leash put together NEXT to my yard. I’m to frustrated now to argu because I can’t keep calm right now. This is just so horrible.
Well those neighbourghs are the reason why this little guy has to go again, and the reason I think about to move back in with my parents.
Well YAH this whole moving out thing, beeing responsible for myself is coming to another level where I feel such a failure at the moment. It’s just horrible and it’s not even my fault. I’ts making me so sad.
I just can’t live here anymore alone without having a moment of rest, without a moment of not seeing them, etc.
The feeling I have at the moment really sucks and makes me want to cry very hard. I always blame myself even with stuff that are not my fault.
Besides that couple everybody is very friendly, loving etc but those 2 are an exeption in the area.
Luckyly the old owner will pick this little dog back up, so he can be far away from those people. It hurts, did I mentioned it before … it hurts giving up something you love with all your heart.
How the future will be?
My vision for the future is very clear. I can’t live here my whole life. I have everything new in this house like floor heating, automatic lights, latest domotica, electricity everywhere, furniture that matches the house etc … the only thing that misses here is my HEART. (and my mind telling ESCAPE)
How can people be so cruel? From the moment I saw them I had a bad feeling, but now they are just bullying me (with other stuff too, and not only partying all night or making my dog angry).
I still have some stuff packed in boxed. Maybe it’s a good idea to leave them in boxes. Maybe I should give you some kind of ‘house tour’ while I live here. Great memories for the future (when I will be ready to look at them).
A boy here’s another big CHANGE coming … I made the descission of downgrading my blog and to stop invest 99 dollar ever year on the premium abonnement. I barely had time with the move and mental heatlh to take some serious writing time.
The layout will look different but I’m staying on WordPress but on the Free page. What the changes will be I will see on September 2nd. I hope it’s mostly the layout and not the move of all the blogs I write before. Oh let’s not hope I loose everything here !
I hoped that I could you all leave a blog with ” I’m doing so great in my new place” but unfortually it’s not the case. It was so hard leaving everything I knew and start all over again a few km from home in a new village.
REALITY really sucks when growning up !
Like I told … I’m not sure what my future will look like on the part of where I’ll be living. It’s something I have to face the next coupple of weeks. Maybe I’ll giving it another change when it’s winter time. Oh I’m now so ready for rainy and windy fall days, and bare cold winterdays with freezing temperatures (maybe it will be quiet than).
Love you all, and sweet dreams !