How is life rightnow ? Therapy, therapy, therapy

Well yeah, the never ending story of my life I guess. 

THERAPY

 The whole thing with having autism, having psoriasis, having fibromyalgia, having meltdowns, … got it’s breakpunt reached.

I never stopped therapy sessions with my psychologist, or psychiatrist, but now I’m going a few times more again.

Everybody is saying you have a great job, a great new house, great family … ‘ you can’t have a mental problem’. Well I’m sure have !

For me everything has to be perfect, so it’s so damn hard if you can’t create, can’t drawn, can’t shop like you always have in a perfect way. I can’t color my hair anymore, getting new pills who are making me fat (okay I don’t eat healthy all day but that’s never get’s me as FAT as since I started to take those new pills).

So yesterday, I had an appointement with my therapist and we had a great talk. So she gave me some homework to deal with the next few weeks. One of them is starting to eat healthy the whole day long.

Eating healthy and planning what I’m going to eat the next days is so hard. Because I don’t know what I want to eat tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.

Doing some groceries every day, is a total NOOOOOO … so now I have a huge struggle in front of me about food, about making better choises.

I took my favorite cook book by the hand and this evening I started to bake the Bananabread, like NIOMI SMART. She posted a video ‘what I eat in a day’ a few days ago on her YouTube channel, so I was inspired to make that to.

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So here it is! I never get this golden brown look like she has but it’s sooo delicious. 

I now have breakfast for tomorrow. Okay I took  slices as a snack already. I just couldn’t resist. I hope I can eat this tomorrow morning without my chocopaste (I’m still in my eating chocopaste period). So hope I will be okay eating this tomorrow and not having toast with chocopaste.

Tomorrow is a workday, so it’s going to be a salad for me insteat of a sandwich with some good old Dutch cheese.

I have to do this, I have to eat healthy to stay like this and not getting fatter because of the pills. If I don’t do this, and nothing will fit me, than I’ll be back on track with feeling despressed (story of my life, nothing new).

Please be kind and love your support, here on my blog, on my Instragram (@autisticcountrygirl) or Twitter (@autisticcountry).

**** Stay Smiling ****

Love lucy xx
(maybe it’s that time to start blogging under me real firstname soon)

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Why I didn’t write on my blog this past month?

Well, it’s quite shocking for me to see that me last update on my blog was on February 19. It were some very hard 4 weeks to handle everything that was happening in my life … thinking about ‘my autistic life’. 

Here’s some more details about what happened and what is still going on with me today.

Health 

Beeing on the Autistic Spectrum gives me a lot of stress every single day is a struggle. That high level of stress everyday is making my psoriasis on my head very bad. Sometimes I just want to stay inside forever. When you just took a shower and your hair is still dirty, that’s just horrible.

Besides that I also have some rheumatism pain in my hands, fingers, wrist, shoulders, knees, toos and ankles … oh and neck aswell. I can almost say everywhere in my body. Like today I woke up at 2h30 pm this afternoon and still havinging the feeling I want to be in bed.

Working 2 days in a row is so painfull and that is killing me the days after. At work I just take some medication to stop the pain for a few hours, but later at home I feel like crap.

Next week I have some doctor appointments in the hospital to do some tests to check if all my muscle pain is coming from my psoriasis or maybe it’s fibromyalgia.

Oh yeah, going to some new doctors and doing some tests is giving me so much more stress right now. I just have to be strong the next few days. And just not freak out that I have to work from Thursday through Sunday (4 whole days!).

Work

Normally at the end of this month I was finishing my job at my current workplace. There was not a chance to stay because I was just replacing a colleague who was coming back. No place for me there, so I had to start looking for a new job. Like fulltime, parttime, more hours, extra time to travel to work, waking up at 6am again, etc. Who wouldn’t be freaking out?

It’s like starting all over again and again leaving a place where you love to work.

Last week I got the most amazing news on Monday morning. I was just starting to look for some jobs on the internet, when my boss called. They offered me a new contract starting April 2nd till …. (my pension I hope). I just can’t say how HAPPY I felt that moment.

I closed the computer and stopped looking for some new jobs. A part of my stresslevel went down. I felt so good. Keeping this job was so important, and I’m so glad for this chance they gave me.

Weight

When having this pain I take a lot of pain medication during the days I work. Besides that I also use some cremes for the pain. All those things that I do to stop the pain for a few hours, are giving me some weight gane.

Okay, at this point my pants, dresses etc are killing me. Nothing seems to fit good. So scary 😦 But I will work on a healthy diet again.

Not eating peanutbutter is not an issue. I will never give that up.

At this moment I’m baking a healty pineapple cake. So hope I can keep it healthy the next weeks.

Moving

Well as my house is almost finised, it’s also time to start thinking about moving out. Moving for the first time in my life, for the first time in 33 years I’m leaving this house, this farm. It really makes me so sad, and it’s also giving me some more stress. Oh yess, there it is again … some more stress. Like my life is under presure at the moment, time to break every moment.

I’m already started to paint some wall pink, working on my Ikea Hemnes Bathroom like I dreamed off. Oh and I started to pack at home. That is another hard and horrible thing to do. How can you pack in a few weeks? Well, I can’t, I just can’t.

When I take somenthing to put in a box, I have to think like a 1000 times if it’s the right box, do I need that thing in the next weeks, do I really need this in my new home. Saying goodbye to shoes and clothes that’s not done for me. But I have to do it. I just can’t move more than a 100 pairs off shoes in my new dressing room.

I still need some room and space for the new collection of shoes and bags that will come in the next years as I have to buy some new shoes and bags EVERY season to wear in the store.

Steve Madden is my greatest idol ever, and I just am so proud to be a  shoeseller like him and leaving my dream in a shoestore.

Depression

The past weeks I felt a bit depressed, like life was not worth it. With the help of a great team I finally can say it’s going a bit better. Not there yet but I keep working on it every day.

Having some mental problems is hard, and it’s not better in just a few days. Life is a job where you have to work on it every single day.

Glad I can see those words to myself 🙂

Blogging

I totally missed blogging the past weeks. I was active on twitter and on my Instagram but I will write and spend some more time in my blogging. Hope you will still be there to read my story !

Thank you !!!

Love Lucy xx

 

Review : ‘Paint Runner Pro’ … Does it really works??

As you might know from previous blogs, I’m almost moving out here. Time for a new place.

A new place, with all white walls? Euhm ‘white’ walls ? Something that I really hate as a fashionlover, shoelover and just a lifestyleblogger. I just can’t imagine how I can live in a house with all white walls? It’s so boring, right?

When you watch some television during the day, you might have seen all the promo about ‘Téléshopping’ (that’s the name here in Belgium). So you can buy online stuff you saw at the commercial. For all those commercials I had something about it “could that reallt be possible?”. I’m always a bit suspicious when it’s about something that’s on the televion.

Really Good products don’t need all the fame of televion, they are good and people already know it.

So, let’s go back to the “Paint Runner Pro”.

I bought me one … or two???

So before Christmas it happened. I bought a Paint Runner Pro online at Bol.com (a Dutch webshop who just sells everything). I was like buy one and get one for free.

First I was like. If you need one, what would you be with a second set? Yess, it was a whole set of paint rollers for the sides and the small ends.

After using the Paint Runner Pro, I have to admit why you get a second one ! 

So about a few weeks ago it was time to get the painting starting in my new house.  A lot of work and it’s still not finished the way I wanted it.

The 2 tools that were delivered with the Paint Runner Pro (for the small pieces and the ends of the walls) are just horrible to use. I ended up with buying a new small normal paint roller in the store.

In the commercials they are using the Paint Runner Pro without putting some tape around the edges. This really doesn’t work. I have to put some tape before painting. Okay, I’m not the most handy girl out there, but for this creative girl it was a nightmare without tape.

I also have terrible pain in my wrists and hands because of some Rheumatism (that will be tested the next month). They say ‘everybody can paint everywall with this’. Well it’s def not if you have pain in your hands. It’s a very hard task in the beginning when the Paint Runner Pro is just filled with paint. Sooooo painfull it was.

Near the end of the paint I went a bit smoother, and then it was okay to paint the next layer of the walls.

Overall, I’m still in doubt if this was the best way to paint my walls pink or that I should have used a regular paint roller.

Here are some pictures of the Pro and contra I had with this Paint Runner Pro.

So this was the start where I used the Paint Runner Pro. It was so heavy to paint with, but the coverage of the paint was very good. Very smooth in the way the paint turned out on the walls.

Because the first time using the Paint Runner Pro while it was full was so heavy, it left me with all those marks on the left side. As you can see on the right see (when the Paint Runner Pro was almost empthy) it went a bit smoother and less marks on the wall.

Here’s the Paint Runner Pro during the painting my walls process. Paint all over it, and equal on every side. This was when the paint was almost gone. On the right side is the little paint roller I have to buy because the other Paint Runner Pro pieces didn’t work.

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This is the wall in my living room after 2 layers with the Paint Runner Pro. In the Kitchen, restroom and bathroom I only needed 2 layers of paint, but here in the living room I need a thirth extra layer because it doens’t look the way I wanted it to be.

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The kitchen in the back is well okay, while it’s the same color of paint and I used the same tools as in the livingroom.

REVIEW

So here are my pro’s and some negative points of this Paint Runner Pro. It’s easy when you have to paint like all the walls at the same time, walls without a lot of electricity or edges.

It’s really heavy when you just filled it with paint, but when it’s almost empty it’s really easy and really fun to work with it.

The 2 other items from Paint Runner Pro are not that practical in use, and especially not without some tape on the walls.

Would I buy it again, or recommend it to someone else?

Yess, if you want to paint your walls in one color, within the following days. No, if you are planning on using more than one collor on your walls  !

Why ? See below …

How to clean this ???

Something I really don’t get is “how do you clean the inside and the whole roller?” If you can help me, please let me know. Really need some help in cleaning this on the inside.

It’s clean but there’s still some pink just everywhere. I just can’t figure out how I can clean all the pink left on the inside. *soconfusing*

The way I see it now is … You can only use it for JUST ONE COLOR and just one color ! One thing I really understand now is why you get a second one, or buy one get one for free.

You need one for your white walls and one if your are planning to use some color. Don’t know if that’s the real reason but for me it’s.

I have the same thing with the second Paint Runner Pro ! I just can’t clean all the white primer paint out of it. It’s getting soooo frustrating as I was planning to use this Paint Runner Pro for a green color and a black one. Oh No, and I’m not planning on buying a new set for those colors. Guess I’ll have a trip to my local Hubo store and get me a regular roller.

Tips for me … Please leave a reaction below. I really want to know how to clean it in a good way, so I can use it for other colors too. 

It looks a bit dirty and so not clean, but this is how it looks after washing & washing & washing *hopeless*

If you are planning on buying one, I got mine from the Dutch site below. I guess it’s been selling all over the world.

Paint Runner Pro – Bol.com

Total look ?

Well you have to wait just a bit longer, till it is finished

Love Lucy xx

My life after a 6 day workweek

Time to post the story of my life right now. Most of you will think ” working 6 days, what’s the problem?’.

Well, for me it became a big problem over the years.

Worklife

Monday I worked the last day of a period of long workdays, following each other. Here was my shedule for the last weeks starting on December 29,2017 :

December 29 : workday
December 30 : workday
December 31 : workday (yes most Sundays I have to work)
January 1 : day off
January 2 : workday
January 3 : workday
January 4 : day off
January 5: workday (because my colleague was sick)
January 6 : workday
January 7 : workday
January 8 : workday

So the first 8 days of January I had a fulltime job insteat of my parttime job. It was kind of hard but in the beginning it was all fine. When you love your job, you do it anyway.

Last Sunday my workday became a hard day, so much pain I started to have. My muscles hurt, got a headache at work, stomach ache. But I refused to give up and let people know I was about to die on the inside.

Than Monday came, another day at work. Luckely it was a quiet day in the store, and I could just fill in the new collections. So I was kind of happy. But in the afternoon I had a hard time staying focussed and staying ‘happy’.

The rest of this week

Well, I have a week off till Sunday. I have to say I kind of miss work a lot and really wish I could spend my days in the shoe store.

Tuesday
Tuesday I spend almost my whole day in bed. I had so much pain, no energy, and such a bad headache (beginning of migraine). I was grumpy all day. Around 4 pm I found some energy to make some Cinnamon rolls. My body needed some fat and sugary snack *shocking*

Wednesday
Yesterday I went to my new place because my new fridge was going to be delivered. So I had a reason to get out of bed and do something.
I also went to a thriftstore here in my area, but that was such a bad idea ! I mean everything was so dirty and the smell was horrible.

It’s confusing because a lot of people find really good stuff at such a store but this was not a good one I guess.

Other plans I didn’t had yesterday than eating some Cinnamon rolls. OMGosh I’m not
going to tell you how much of those rolls I ate *shaming*

Today

Today I’m not feeling back the way I should be. Still I got no energy, still I have no reason to put some real clothes on besides my H&M loungewear (and big Zara scarf).

Other plans I have are baking some new Cinnamon rolls for tomorrow. I’m going to my colleagues at the store (because I have some orders there, and I have to make my choice for the black or Silver Ted Baker bag).

Autism & working fulltime

After working that fulltime week last week, I now have so much pain and no energy. A reason for me that my psychiatrist forbid me to work a fulltime job in the future. But this parttime job I have now doesn’t pay all the bills when I moving out.

So the upcoming months will be difficult in finding a new job (and having the risk of beeing very ill there), finding a second job I can do from home, OR ??? That last OR is a big question mark. I really have no clue how I’m going to survive the future while living on my own 😮

The big thing is to make a list, a budget list and finding a way to get more money but in a way that is good for my health and that doesn’t have to give the result of me beeing in the hospital for months (like in the past).

Later more, have a great day !

Love Lucy, xx

2018 … Things I’ll be saving for

So as 2017 is almost over …  it’s time to look forward to 2018. A new year, a new life, a new lifestyle, new house etc.

As an autistic girl I really hate changes in my life/days … so guess 2018 will be so hard.
BUT
That doesn’t mean I don’t look forward to this new year.

As you might know from earlier … I’m a lifestyleblogger on a budget. So now for the first time in my life I really have to plan everything before buying it ! Insteat of just going to ZARA, Schoenen Torfs, H&M etc., I have to wait till there’s enough money in my jar (yess I’ve made a maison jar to collect my money).

Preparing for the new season …

So now were are in the beginning of winter, I’m looking at some collections for the new season. Every year I start buying new collections at the end of january.

I have to admit, that I already bought a pair of new Old Skool Vans (silver & black) in November.

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They are the Old Skool but in a modern version. I really love them, but now I have them at work for when my other shoes hurts during the day.
Vans Old skool Silver

Other things I bought the past weeks are a Ted Baker bag and my gold loafers I wore on Christmas day.

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Golden loafers Marco Tozzi by Schoenen Torfs

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This is one of my favorite items, a black Ted Baker bag with cat ears. The combination of a black bag and this cat theme made me buy it. I bought with a discount, so got it for around 45 EUR insteat of 55,95

SO yeah, it was a great deal. As it’s a plastic bag, the quality is not that great. It’s a very hard plastic, so when you put a lot of heavy stuff in the bag it will brake. Like I did with mine 😥 Offcourse I can take it back to store to get fixed but I’m okay with it, it’s now a collectors item for me.

Sad, this item of the spring and summer collection I can’t use.

Ted Baker, oh yess again

This morning I bought another item from the new spring and summer collection from Ted Baker. In my handbag I have pencils all over it, I never can’t find my pens, and my pencils are always broken.

So insteat of buying new pencils all the time, I thought it was time to buy a pencil case. A good, decent pencil case to hold every pen & pencil and so they won’t brake again.

Ted Baker has a new pencil case (a really small bag) but it’s a hard plastic and super strong to protect my pencils. They were on sale in black and pink.

The pink one I bought this morning…

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The same one in black is on his way to the store. I needed 2 of them, one for the pencils (and drawning materials) and one for my pens.

THINGS I’LL BE SAVING FOR …

So I’ve started to put a list with things I really want for the next season. I went to (a part) of my wardrobe and actually I don’t need that much new summer clothes. With some new shoes and a bag, I can wear them another season.

I can invest in some great pieces, but only if I plan when I’m going to buy them !

Most of the things I saw for the new season, I found online at the online store of my favorite shoe store here in Belgium.

Want to see what’s on my saving list for the upcoming weeks/months?

Here they are … let’s start with some shoes (to make my outfit look new & fresh again), and end with bags to make it more special.

Shoes

In spring and summer I have a hard time to find some great shoes. Mostly I wear my white Converse All Stars and that’s it (wear some other Converse I have in my collection).

For the first time EVER, I mean like EVERRRR, I bought some Vans Old Skool sneakers this year. You might look surprised and have something like ‘WHAAAAAT’? Yess, you found the girl who doesn’t own a pair of Vans !

So this year I bought a pair of black Old Skool Vans, but they are now old and not are looking that great to wear in a shoe store all day. So on my list for this spring and summer, I have on first place a pair of new black ones.

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Other shoes on my list are … VANS. Oh yess, another pair of Vans. Yess, I’m in love with these shoes.

But for this moment, I just can’t decide with type I really want. They are both pink, both looking great but in one way they are different (the white stripe).
So I’m still in doubt about which pair. What do you think? The one with the white or without the white?

Guess the ones with the white are just a little more ‘fresh’ looking for spring?
Vans Old Skool Pink – white stripe
Vans Old Skool Pink – totally pink

The last pair of shoes (after seeing all my clothes in my wardrobe) are the ones below from Tommy Hilfiger. Besides my pair of white Converse, I never owned a pair of total white sneakers.

These are more saying ‘chic’ than the Vans ones which just go with everything. The ones from Tommy I can only wear with clothes I have with something gold.

This is actually the first year I find some really nice summer shoes, that are not Converse or Winter Timberland I wear all year round.

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Tommy Hilfiger – white with golden stars These are the new Tommy Hilfiger I saw in the store. At first look I was not so sure about it, just because of the details. But after fitting them a few times in the store and checking my clothes earlier. I now these would look great with a lot of my dresses and jeans.

So than I have a pair silver Vans to wear with silver jewelry and a pair with golden details to wear with all my golden jewelry.

Handbags & bags

So I’ve told you about the shoes I’ll be saving for the next season.
BUT
I also have some bags I really want for the new season.

I’m not such a hugh fan of handbag, besides my collection of Fossil bags which are totally my favorite ones. I will never throw them away. Fossil isn’t a brand which is sold in the store I work, so I found it hard to wear them to work.

For the summer I found some really nice golden handbags in our store from Kisses of Pearl. But after looking at my clothes I have, the shoes I want. I really I’m not that convinced of buying them.

Guess they will be to classic to go with the converse and the gold will look different on the bag than on the Tommy shoes. And golden handbag will not go with the silver & black Vans I bought earlier.

WOW I’m so surprised of myself ! I’m mostly I’m an impuls buyer, but now I’m really looking to find the BEST piece to wear longer and have longer in my collection than just one season (mostly a couple of weeks). #feelingproud

Ted Baker

Since I have that cat looking handbag of Ted Baker I’m more and more a fan of this brand. BUT I promised myself … if I buy another Ted Baker I’ll invest in a leather one not a plastic for me again!

So today I was in the store and put them in reservation for me. So now I have some time to think about it, think about it, and THINK about it.

First one is this shopper leather shopper bag, but then a black one with pink on the inside. This silver one will have to exact same effect on me as the golden bags I was talking about before. So NOOOO to the Silver bag.

Guess I put one of the last items in reservation because I can’t find the black one on the internet at this moment. So it’s this one but in black and fuxia pink on the inside.
Ted Baker silver shopping bag

This will be a shopper bag to take to work and take my lunch and papers with me. This bag I can’t take with me all day or when I just have to go grocery shopping. I never can’t find my wallet and phone on time when I have to pay (because of all the stuff in collect in such big bags).

For my wallet & phone I bought another little bag. Another Ted Baker bag, and also a leather one.

It’s quite an investment but I think (and I really hope that it’s great quality) and it will be an item I will have for years. Because it’s just going to be a part of me. Curious about the bag?
Well here it is … a black leather CAT bag !

Oh guess I’m a real cat lady, and a big lover of BLACK cats ! Wearing this bag will mean I have my black cat always with me.

I think that this is such a great vallue for my money and worth saving money for. Guess saving will be so much easier when I put a picture on my cards and my jar from this bag. Then I know why I can spend money on clothes, because I really want to have THIS BAG.

Black cat bag TED BAKER

In winter time Ted Baker had another collection with ‘cat’ shaped bags a silver and a burgundy one. Really was in love with them, and I was hoping for them to get on sale. But now they are on sale, I prefer this black one. Black is always a better idea for a bag !

Last season Ted Baker bags…

Everything?

Yess, everything ! This was everything on my list, just 3 pair of sneakers (to wear for the now season at work most of the time) and than 2 beautiful bags. For now this will such a good reason to save money because they are such beautiful pieces!

It will make my outfits as new, and make me stop spend so much money at ZARA (sorry Zara, always love you), H&M, Modemakers (shop here in Belgium) and Zeb (another store here in Belgium).

Now I’m going to print that black cat bag and put it everywhere where I have money !

Winter sale

Okay, officially the winter sales start in Belgium on January 2nd. Great day that I have to work, and can’t go to the sales !

For my new house I need a pair of UGG style boots to wear inside the house, because my stairs is to dangerous to were slippers or slip-on shoes.

So now I’m in doubt about the color of UGG I would buy, I hope I can have those UGG for years (like the pair of grey boots I already have for more than 5 years).

As it’s for inside the house, I’m still thinking about the pink one or the cognac brown ones with the bow. Another investment, as I’m not planning to buy new UGG for the upcoming years !

These are the two I’m thinking about …

 

And you?

Are you already thinking about the new season for clothes, shoes, bags? Or I’m I (again) one of the girls that is to early with planning the new season?

What do you think about the items I’ve been selecting for spring/summer?

Love to read your comments !

Please note that every pictures I used comes from the site of Schoenen Torfs a famous (the best) store for shoes and bags in Belgium.
Guess most of the items I like are also for sale on international sites who will ship to you. 

Love Lucy xx

The day after Christmas

So here it is … The day after Christmas ! Yesterday I was hoping for this day to come, now I want it do be over !

When your body is killing yourself !

As a girl with autism, one of the things I really hate is the holiday season in December. Really like the past week, and the upcoming week.

How about Christmas day?

Well, I can be short … it was a horrible day ! We had some family over for the afternoon and dinner time.

Everybody was screaming, yelling insteat of talking and that all before drinking alcohol. So I start to watch some episodes of Fuller House on mij iPhone.

That was good for 45 min and then I had to go home (the house next door). I was already too much, and need a time to escape the madness.

It wasn’t that great beeing there together, like always I started to get a migraine. Those people don’t understand ‘having autism’ so I haven’t told them I have autism. Will it change their behevior? NOPE, it will be worst I guess.

So next Christmas I’ll be living on my own, and I will be just alone for Christmas without family and without the screaming. Then it will be just me and my cats.

Spending Christmas in a quiet place, YEAH I really can’t wait. Maybe that will make me love the holidays again.

For dinner I had just a sandwich with peanutbutter and jam, and some whipped cream cake.

After dinner I had enough ! I went home, not saying goodbye and locked the door here. I wanted to be alone. Later that evening they were leaving and they were knocking on the door, but I refused to open it and to say goodbye. When I’m hurt I’m hurt. 

The day after Christmas

So what about today ?

Today I woke up at 9am, ate some breakfast and went back to bad. My head was exploding and I had pain just everywhere (now I have horrible pain in my hand writing this blog).

This afternoon I stayed in bed and watched the last episodes of Fuller House. I actually woke up again and came out of bed around 3 pm!

All my muscles hurt so much, can bearly move and have no energy doing stuff.

Seeing a doctor?

Yes, I’ve searched for an appointement with a specialist. Everywhere here in my area is having a long waiting time. SO, I can have an appointement at the end of MAY.

Yess you read it good ! An appointement in MAY ! So this will be a long 5 months with pain everywhere. So horrible! (I know this blog had a lot of ‘horrible’ in it, sorry). Feeling like Grumpy cat right now. 

” What I got for Christmas? “

Everybody is showing their ‘what I got for Christmas’ on their Instagram/Twitter/Facebook and their blog.

No I will not show here my list of things “what I got for Christmas”? Euhm why not? Well simple ! I didn’t got a present for Christmas.

WHAT? You might be shocked ! But is another reason why I don’t feel all the Christmas spirit like anyone else. For me not a surprise, I’m used to it. Maybe I will get some presents at New Year.

But I’m not expecting some big presents !

So I’m a bit sorry that I can’t watch all your “what I got for Christmas” blogs, it’s making this autistic girl feel sad 😥 

Love Lucy xx

 

Blogmas 24 … Merry Christmas !

” It’s the most magical time of year “

Like the song goes ” it’s the most wonderfull time of year “, everybody is having some magical days.

Everybody !

Everybody, the whole world BUT

ME

Weeks before Christmas

Weeks before Christmas, everybody is so looking forward to the holiday season. Planning what to eat on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Planning what to buy for family and friends. Where to spend the holidays, where to go shopping etc.

And than there’s the Christmas tree. Buying a new tree (if it’s a real one), or putting your plastic one again. New decorations or all the decorations you already have collected before?

All those things, give so much stress for me. And really I’m totally not ready to celebrate Christmas or New Year.

Christmas tree

So this year, I was quite early putting my tree up and putting decorations in the tree. I didn’t spend a lot of time, but everybody is loving my tree so I’m happy. I did something good this year !

Here’s a little trowback of when I set my tree up.

Christmas music

I really love Christmas music, like I wrote in my blogmas earlier this week. I can’t stop listening to the Christmas album of Lady Antebellum.

It’s still so great, every time I put it on.

Christmas spirit

I have to admit my Christmas spirit is going off and on, off and on. Some moments I really love all the things about Christmas is coming, other days I can really sit back and wish all those days were over.

Like today … after seeing the lightning parade yesterday I felt some Christmas magic. Today I kind of lost it again. I don’t really have the feeling that it’s Christmas Eve today. Christmas tomorrow, OMGosh !

Christmas Eve

Well, you might guess … I’m sitting here at my table to write my blogmas (blogmas 23 and blogmas 24) insteat of celebrating Christmas with family.

Everyone on my personal Facebook is posting pictures and sending messages of them having a great diner and playing games together. I kind of put away my iPhone for the rest of the evening.

All my friends and family are sitting at a table to have diner and have a great time with each other. Well, I’m here having a ‘great’ time at my computer.

No plans today. I kind of missed not beeing at work. The only thing I did today was thinking, thinking, thinking and sleeping. Really not in the mood and not having the spirit of Christmas.

Most people with autism feel lonely and don’t like the holidays … well I’m one of those pleople.

Grinch

Okay, don’t get me wrong ! I’m not the GRINCH ! I’m not going to steal christmas from everyone. I just having a day and evening like any other sunday.

Maybe next year will be different.

So different this year

Now it’s the first year without my granny to celebrate the holiday, so another reason for me to not like the holidays this year.

I really love things that I know, and things that are familier. Now this year everything changed since my granny passed. A thing this #aspie girl really hates. All those changes, I hate changes in my life.

Christmas Day

Tomorrow some family will come over to eat. They will come around 2 pm in the afternoon. So I have plenthy of time to sleep and take a nap after lunch to clear my head before they come.

They are so loud, and I just don’t like all that hugging and all that kissing. So my plan for tomorrow is to come downstairs later than they arrive so I can skip that part. Hopefully.

The idea that I will not have internet access the afternoon, and I will be stuck at the table, makes my so scared.

Christmas Day outfit

To escape from all the dressing stress tomorrow morning I already put aside my outfit for tomorrow.

I will be wearing my normal black skinny jeans from JDY, black scarf from Zara (if it’s to cold I have something extra).

I will also wear my Christmas jumper by H&M, that I bought a few days ago.

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Meowy Christmas to all of you ! 

For shoes I’m still in doubt. I have 2 options but they are both loafers. I will be chosing between these 2 …

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Golden loafers from ‘Marco Tozzi’, new collection available at Schoenen Torfs (Belgium)

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Gucci look-a-like from Steve Madden, winter collection available at Schoenen Torfs

The party is at my brothers house, so first I have to wear my old Timberland boots to go to all the dirth to get there (new building). So I will wear one of them inside, and maybe I’ll take the other pair with me.

The rest of the day will be hard, sitting there with all the screaming, movie playing, music playing, family talking etc. Maybe I’ll go home between all the food and watch ‘Olaf’s frozen Adventure’ on television.

Or maybe, I’ll come back here to blog, I will see.

But for now …

 

Merry Christmas to all of you !
Have a magical Christmas Eve and enjoy the time with your family and friends!

Love, Lucy xx

Blogmas 23 … Tractor lightning parade

I have to be honest … when I think about ‘a lightning parade’ I think of Fantilussion at Disneyland Paris or the Electrical Parade in Walt Disney Worlds Magic Kingdom.

BUT

Here in Belgium, we have our own kind of lightning parade around the holiday season. As I live on the countryside and not in a big city, we here have a TRACTOR lightning parade every year.

Tractors (old and new ones) covered in lights, 1000 of lights.

Tractor Lightning Parade @ Werchter, Belgium

So yesterday evening, we here had a tractor parade in the small village of Werchter. A parade over a few villages, and a party after the parade.

Year after Year, I really wanted to go and see all those lights in real life.

As you know I have autism, so I was always to scared to go. All the different lights, all the noices, all the different music playing at the same time, too much people, cold, waiting while surrounded by 100 or more people.

I want to go, I want to go, I’m not going, I’m not going … OKAY I’m going

So yesterday, I had planned to go and see all the tractors. During the day, I was constantly thinking ” I’m going, I’m going not, I’m going, I’m going NOT “.

I was kind of horrible having all those different ideas during the day. In the morning I had do  do some grocery shopping and I was so stressed out by all the lines in the stores, all the people … that I needed some time alone.

Around 3pm I made up my mind and decided to go and see all the tractors mysefl (instead of seeing pictures from everybody on Facebook).

Tractor Lightning Parade it is !

I took my iPhone, extra charger, scarf, warm jacket and gloves and joined my brother to Werchter, to see all the tractors. Yess, if you are a farmers daughter you still have some little thing about tractors.

Maybe for most of you it’s not the right combination of beeing a lifestyleblogger (fashionblogger in future) and blog about seeing some tractors. For me it’s a good combination. As I’m moving out of this farm in a few months, the love for tractors I take with me.

As you know … NO LIFE WITHOUT FARMERS 😉

The last few days I kind of lost the magic of the Christmas season. I guess it came because we had early snowfal in December and now it’s so dark, warm and rainy outside.

But I have to admit, yesterday evening I felt the whole Christmas spirit again.

I still have friends with tractors, kind of like the song of Rodney Attins is about me
Friends with tractors – Rodney Atkins

Let’s go and see some tractors.

Some of the tractors were so beautiful decorated, other had just the basic lights.

More tractors, and more tractors to come

I’m so sorry for all the overload of tractors right now, and sorry for the not great quality but I’m saving money to buy a camera 😉 so now I only have my iPhone 

Next stop

After all the tractors where leaving in Werchter, we went to see the real parade on the street somewhere in an other city (village).

We drove a few minutes, and waited there in Tremelo (the city where Father Damian lived, sorry for the historylesson).

We waited a few minutes till the parade arrived. Now we saw the whole parade and not only the tractors, and the leaving part of the parade.

Parade

As I have an Iphone to take pictures, I didn’t took pictures during the parade. I knew that they were all not going to be great and beautiful. So I filmed the whole parade.

Okay, you might find this all boring, and I can understand. If I had lived in a city or in another country I wouldn’t be there yesterday. It’s something for a country(farmers)girl like me.

Because of all the tractors, I will only share the whole parade if you want to see it so badly 😉 Please leave a comment, if you like to see the movie I took last night with all the tractors passing on the street.

One thing I didn’t like, was that there were tractors without christmas music. It would be better and funnier to watch if all the tractors were playing a Christmas song like before the start in Werchter.

A girl with autism and this ?

Well, it was a hard time beeing there. That’s TRUE ! OMG, all those lights, ,different lights, all the colors, all the people, all the different kind of music … AND that all at the same time. It was kind of the nightmare I was scared for, and it was true.

Here’s a little movie I took with everything around me. I felt like a psychco, and feeling to get crazy standing there !

This was the moment before the parade started.

I had a great time yesterday evening but it was also a big nightmare for me with my autism. So today I had a very bad morning. So much pain, so much emotions, not really wanted to wake up and do some stuff.

Next year?

Okay, let me be clear ! This was a once in a lifetime event for me. If I want to go back next year, please hold me and lock me up ! It was so beautiful but not worth all the pain I felt all day.

So no, I will not go back next year. I will stay at home, comfy and cosy in my PJ’s and watching a movie.

So this was #blogmas 23 of yesterday and a Christmas tradition here in Belgium.

Hope it was okay to see all the tractors. I can totally understand if you hated it.

Love Lucy xx

 

Please note … I’m so sorry for all the tractors in this blog ! 

Blogmas 21 … Christmas treat

My favorite Christmas treat …

Lychee

Earlier this week I was in the store and I found these really delicious lychees again. For me … there’s no Christmas feeling without eating lychee.

Normally they are quite expensive here in Belgian stores but this year I found that the price per kilo was okay.

So I was glad I could buy these (one time buy only each year) delicious lychee before Christmas. Guess the price will be higher this weekend.

Yummie !

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Grocery shopping during the Holiday season

Going to a supermarket here in my area is pretty hard for me as an autistic girl. Since we have a new Lidl store here, I prefer to go grocery shopping there.

Last week I was in our local ‘Colruyt’ supermarket, which is always full packed with products, people that are just not fighting to get the last products. For this autistic girl shopping at Colruyt (the shop with the lowest prices in Belgium) is a nightmare.

Doing your grocery shopping there the days before Christmas is HELL ! Like people forget to have some respect for others, they seem to think ‘ I need that, go out of my way I was here first ‘. So horrible.

So yesterday I did my shopping before going to work at Lidl. I guess I have everything bought to get me through the Christmas weekend!

Buying Fruits

Buying fruits … well for this autism girl it’s so hard. Because I littery count everything, and I ONLY buy fruits in pieces of 2,4,7 or 11.

When I need like 1 mango (to make some coockies) I always need to buy 2.

For the lychee I had to buy 11 (yes already ate one), because more it’s not right in my head. The were kind of cheap for lychee, so I could bought more but my head said ” STOP, only 11″.

Yesterday I wanted some oranges, 3 would be okay (because I don’t eat that everyday) but NO again I needed to buy 4 pieces.

I even count my bananas when I buy them. I just can’t go home with 5 bananas.

Here in Belgium most apples are packed in a set of 6. So that’s always a huge problem. Buying 6 apples is so wrong to me.

When I need like 1 advocados and there’s only one left in the store ? I just can’t buy that one piece, I need the option to buy 2. Buying that one piece that was left, is not done for me. It gives me so much stress !

Buying other things by number?

Yess, most of my grocery shopping I buy with numbers in my head. I needed a pack of corn pasta (good for a week) but NO again I had to buy 2 packs, same with pasta sauce.

That’s the same when I need some cat food for my sweeties. I have 2 cats so I always have to buy 2 pieces of food or 4 pieces.

So one week I have a long list of items to buy (because I need to buy more than I need), and the other week it’s a short list with mostly fresh things on it like vegetables.

Question for other people on the spectrum?

Do you also have to count things before buying them in a supermarket? Do you have tips to survive this bizzy days at the supermarket to buy fresh vegetables of fruit?

Everytime I see people that are looking strange when I count every piece I buy.  Beeing on the autism spectrum I have so much problems with grocery shopping. When I’m going to a supermarket on my own (like before work) I need my in-ear headphones to me calm and not freak out about everything around me.

This blogmas is coming to an end, and I still like the idea of daily  blogging 🙂

Love Lucy xx

 

 

Blogmas 17 … lazy (painfull) Sunday

December 17 … week week till the Holidays

So today I had a day off. Yesterday was a bizzy workday but a great one. Like every story I have to post, I have some terrible pains everywhere.

If I work a day, I need a day to be at home and do nothing. Just laying in bed, and sleep.

But today my family had some more plans for today, so it was a very hard day.

Now it’s 8pm and the pain is just killing me, even while I’m writing this blog. My hands are thick and I have a terrible headache.

My plan for this evening was to write a blogmas about my favorite songs, but that I just can’t do at the moment. This autism girl wanted to write a blog tonight so that’s what I’m doing right now.

Tomorrow I have a day full of plans so I hope it will be okay and feeling better tomorrow.

So pain, what kind of pain do I have?

  • A lot of pain everywhere in my body and some tender points
  • Spots where I have more pain and more pressure
  • Fatigue (all day long)
  • problems with sleeping
  • a lot of concentration problems (not knowing what day it is, what I have to do or what people told me like 5 minutes ago in the store)
  • anxiety and feeling a bit of my “old” depression symptoms feeling coming back
  • every moring I have stiffness
  • numbless and tingling everywhere like my hands, knees, legs, arms
  • migraines, headache one is just over and I have another one
  • problems with my stomach
  • painfull eyes
  • and bigger neck lymph

Dr. Google?

Like many others, there’s always dr. Google. Not a good idea, because I’m freaking out when I’m searching on those symptoms.

I went to my doctor for a test to see if I had rheumatism or not. The results were negative. So he gave me some more vitamins, magnesium and iron tablets. I had to take them for a month or 2 months.

But now after a month I don’t feel any differents. It’s so sad that I have to say that the problems are getting worse.

Fibromyalgia

After searching on those symtoms I get so many results from the internet that are saying ‘fibromyalgia’.

As I’m a girl with autism I have like always tensions of all the stress I have all day in like every situation (working, going grocery shopping, taking a buss, going to the city). All that tension could make things worse.

The last thing I want is a long time spending in the hospital for doing some more test or spending days there to found out what’s wrong. Not knowing what will happen with me that day, always freaks me out.

So now I don’t know what to do. I really love my job and I just don’t want to give it up or stay at home because of all the pain. I only have 3 months left there at my work place and I want to spend those months at work and not in a hospital.

Christmas and Holidays?

This year I don’t have plans for Christmas eve, or the year ending. Besides that I have to work December 30 and 31. Guess I will be in bed on December 31 at 9pm like always 😦
While all my facebook is having a party I’ll be at home, in bed watching a movie or just sleeping.

On Christmas day I a family diner in the afternoon. But if I have so much pain and if I’m so fatigue like today. I guess I’ll be just in my room and watching a movie on Netflix. I don’t have the best family for parties. The make always so much noise and they always give me so much headache.

For you?

So I hope you all have amizing holidays this year and great parties !

One day …

One day, I hope that I can life a happy life without this much pain. That I found a really good doctor that give me some advice on how to life with this pain.

Love, Lucy xx