How is life rightnow ? Therapy, therapy, therapy

Well yeah, the never ending story of my life I guess. 

THERAPY

 The whole thing with having autism, having psoriasis, having fibromyalgia, having meltdowns, … got it’s breakpunt reached.

I never stopped therapy sessions with my psychologist, or psychiatrist, but now I’m going a few times more again.

Everybody is saying you have a great job, a great new house, great family … ‘ you can’t have a mental problem’. Well I’m sure have !

For me everything has to be perfect, so it’s so damn hard if you can’t create, can’t drawn, can’t shop like you always have in a perfect way. I can’t color my hair anymore, getting new pills who are making me fat (okay I don’t eat healthy all day but that’s never get’s me as FAT as since I started to take those new pills).

So yesterday, I had an appointement with my therapist and we had a great talk. So she gave me some homework to deal with the next few weeks. One of them is starting to eat healthy the whole day long.

Eating healthy and planning what I’m going to eat the next days is so hard. Because I don’t know what I want to eat tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.

Doing some groceries every day, is a total NOOOOOO … so now I have a huge struggle in front of me about food, about making better choises.

I took my favorite cook book by the hand and this evening I started to bake the Bananabread, like NIOMI SMART. She posted a video ‘what I eat in a day’ a few days ago on her YouTube channel, so I was inspired to make that to.

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So here it is! I never get this golden brown look like she has but it’s sooo delicious. 

I now have breakfast for tomorrow. Okay I took  slices as a snack already. I just couldn’t resist. I hope I can eat this tomorrow morning without my chocopaste (I’m still in my eating chocopaste period). So hope I will be okay eating this tomorrow and not having toast with chocopaste.

Tomorrow is a workday, so it’s going to be a salad for me insteat of a sandwich with some good old Dutch cheese.

I have to do this, I have to eat healthy to stay like this and not getting fatter because of the pills. If I don’t do this, and nothing will fit me, than I’ll be back on track with feeling despressed (story of my life, nothing new).

Please be kind and love your support, here on my blog, on my Instragram (@autisticcountrygirl) or Twitter (@autisticcountry).

**** Stay Smiling ****

Love lucy xx
(maybe it’s that time to start blogging under me real firstname soon)

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Just an update on my life

So my last blogpost I wrote at the end of March. So scary to find out that it was that long ago.

Well, I also have to admit that there was some few things not going well the past weeks. I thought to give you all an update, and tell out about the next coming months.

Autism, my side effects on life

Being on the autistic spectrum disorder, is (for me) having some issues on just dealing with daily life. It’s kind of hard to find a good balance between worklife, personal life, and social life.

I work a parttime job, most weeks around 20 hours a week, to find some rest in my head. But I really can’t find that rest and peace in my head as I was expecting it would be.

Now I’m kind at the hedge of having a depression again, but now I have some great help from the start to deal with it.

All the stress of daily life, going to work, work with a lot of people, building a house, going to the city (to see the psychologist) and not allowed to go to the shops, having a lot of musscle pain, having psoriasis on my head (and eyebrows) … like how much can one person handle?

For me it’s just so hard to find a right middle on all those things that makes me happy.

Psoriasis

So since September I’ve been diagnosed with psoriasis, and it’s based on my head and now also on my eyebrows. It’s so horrible.

Like it’s so painfull to dye my hair, and it’s even forbidden. NO DYE my hair, so all the grey hairs will be everywhere 😮
Yess, that’s reality when you are over 30 years, so sad.

All those emotions on the treatment, the special products I have to uses daily, the stress of making time for it everyday. And for what ? I will always be under a lot of stress because of my autism, and stress is the main factor on making psoriasis worse.

Like it’s an endless circle.

Muscle pain

Since a few months/years (I’m bad with times) I have some serious pains everywhere in my body.

In the hospital (where I had an appointment for my psoriasis) they told me to go to another doctor who’s specialised in reumathism, and artritis.

With that doctor I had an appointement in march, just a 10 minutes talk. I had to go back to the hospital to do some tests which I did on the 20th.

A few days later I got the results and she told me nothing was wrong and that was it. No further tests, no appointment to talk about the results … just nothing. I was so angry, and had so many emotions going on I couldn’t place.

My normal doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, all think I have fibromyalgia but in the hospital they would do further tests … I really hate it when thinking about it.

So now I got some telephone numbers of other reumatologists in my area to go for a second opinion and some more tests.

AND HERE’S THE PROBLEM NOW

I got some telephone numbers, I mean telephone numbers ??? Like I hate to call people, I hate to call doctors and tell everything over the phone. Searched all the internet for some more details, but it looks like that doctor only have a phone to contact her. So now I’m under some more stress to call them next Tuesday. Today is impossible, because I’m just not ready.

How I see the future?

These days I’m having high stresslevels because soon I’ll be moving out, and will be living on my own. A whole house just for me, a new neighbourghood, new people, new way to go to work, new busses, new sounds, … Everything will be NEW !!

I really hate changes, I really hate the word NEW (not when it come’s to new shoes, but that’s something different, right). Shoes are my thing, the thing I like, the thing I can talk about for hours, or just look for new styles for hours. Oh boy, here I go again talking about shoes, so sorry! 

So the next few weeks will be filled with all new things, a lot of stress, a lot of pain (headaches, muscles pains), a lot of work in the shoe store, moving my things, figuring out what it will be living on my own and with a budget.

That last part will be such a hard thing to deal with, paying for everything while I work parttime and have to pay my house, and all the monthy costs with only one small paycheck.

Most of the days I think I can beat my emotions and think the future will be so good, but other days I’m getting such depressed feelings about it and feelings of giving up. I’m getting back to the ‘one moment I feeling happy and one moment I feel down’ period.

BUT like I said now I have a whole team who’s there for me, and hope you will be here to reading my story and helping me out.

Thanks for reading !

Greets Lucy xx

 

New Year Resolutions … To do in 2018

Well, new year … new resolutions to make for the upcoming months.

Most of the years I don’t make a New Years Resolutions list, because I know that I will not follow it.

Last year my life changed so hard, that I wanted  such a list for 2018 !

A thing that’s not on my list is being & staying healthy. WHY? The past months I have so much pain and it’s getting worst every day. So finding help for my pain is on my list. I’m not feeling healthy at the moment, so putting ‘a healthy year’ on my list would not be correct.

What’s on my list? Curious? 

2018 New Year Resolutions

  • Finding a doctor/hospital for all my chronic pains (headache, muscles pains, etc) I really want to know why I can’t do the things I love to do because of all the pain
  • save more money
  • move to my new house with my cats ! Really hope my outdoor cats will be happy with a life as an indoor cat
  • get a second job as a blogger or make my blog better to get some more money. I’m not allowed to work a fulltime job, so want something extra that I can do at home for some extra money
  • NEVER give up hope for a better future, always stay strong and stay positive !

 

So these were my things I want to do in the next 12 months.

Yours?

What are your resolutions for this year? Do you make them or not?

Well, I’m now at home. Normally I had a family party but I was having to much pain to stay, so my parrents dropped me home.
Beeing at home I’m feeling better already ! The atmosphere there was just horrible for this autistic girl on the first day of the year.

Tomorrow, the sales are starting in Belgium so this girl has to work a full day and is not allowed to be sick on the buzziest day of the year.

Love Lucy xx Have a nice FIRST day of January !

****

The day after Christmas

So here it is … The day after Christmas ! Yesterday I was hoping for this day to come, now I want it do be over !

When your body is killing yourself !

As a girl with autism, one of the things I really hate is the holiday season in December. Really like the past week, and the upcoming week.

How about Christmas day?

Well, I can be short … it was a horrible day ! We had some family over for the afternoon and dinner time.

Everybody was screaming, yelling insteat of talking and that all before drinking alcohol. So I start to watch some episodes of Fuller House on mij iPhone.

That was good for 45 min and then I had to go home (the house next door). I was already too much, and need a time to escape the madness.

It wasn’t that great beeing there together, like always I started to get a migraine. Those people don’t understand ‘having autism’ so I haven’t told them I have autism. Will it change their behevior? NOPE, it will be worst I guess.

So next Christmas I’ll be living on my own, and I will be just alone for Christmas without family and without the screaming. Then it will be just me and my cats.

Spending Christmas in a quiet place, YEAH I really can’t wait. Maybe that will make me love the holidays again.

For dinner I had just a sandwich with peanutbutter and jam, and some whipped cream cake.

After dinner I had enough ! I went home, not saying goodbye and locked the door here. I wanted to be alone. Later that evening they were leaving and they were knocking on the door, but I refused to open it and to say goodbye. When I’m hurt I’m hurt. 

The day after Christmas

So what about today ?

Today I woke up at 9am, ate some breakfast and went back to bad. My head was exploding and I had pain just everywhere (now I have horrible pain in my hand writing this blog).

This afternoon I stayed in bed and watched the last episodes of Fuller House. I actually woke up again and came out of bed around 3 pm!

All my muscles hurt so much, can bearly move and have no energy doing stuff.

Seeing a doctor?

Yes, I’ve searched for an appointement with a specialist. Everywhere here in my area is having a long waiting time. SO, I can have an appointement at the end of MAY.

Yess you read it good ! An appointement in MAY ! So this will be a long 5 months with pain everywhere. So horrible! (I know this blog had a lot of ‘horrible’ in it, sorry). Feeling like Grumpy cat right now. 

” What I got for Christmas? “

Everybody is showing their ‘what I got for Christmas’ on their Instagram/Twitter/Facebook and their blog.

No I will not show here my list of things “what I got for Christmas”? Euhm why not? Well simple ! I didn’t got a present for Christmas.

WHAT? You might be shocked ! But is another reason why I don’t feel all the Christmas spirit like anyone else. For me not a surprise, I’m used to it. Maybe I will get some presents at New Year.

But I’m not expecting some big presents !

So I’m a bit sorry that I can’t watch all your “what I got for Christmas” blogs, it’s making this autistic girl feel sad 😥 

Love Lucy xx

 

Blogmas 2 … making a budget planner

December 2nd, 2017

A new month has started yesterday and so does this Blogmas. Well, as you might have seen on my Twitter or on my blog I kind of like clothes and shoes a lot. Besides that I’m curently building my own house here in Belgium (euhm people are doing it for me 😉 ).

With all the cost I have with moving in February I need a good plan for my upcoming budget.

Planning my budget with an app on my iPhone doesn’t work for me. I need something to hold to, something where I can draw on, somenthing that I really have in my hand.

For weeks now I have in mind of doing this but I always said “I’ll do that tomorrow”. Honestly that day ‘tomorrow’ never came. *shame on me*

Today is the day !

Now it’s the time to start working on a budgetplanner that really works for me. You may not like the lay-out of my plan, but I guess that this will work for me.

Time for a pink notebook, because I just adore pink 😉

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After a long day at work and feeling really tired I found the energy to make me a budgetplanner.

Here are some pictures of how I’m making my budgetplanner. At this moment it’s not finished yet, but the idea is on paper and I can work with it.

After creating a lay-out I started to fill in all the money I earn each month and all my expenses on the other side of the paper.

Most monthly expenses I know like the money I have to pay for my house, the gas, the electricity, my monthly appointment with my psychiatrist and psychologist (which I need) and medication.

What’s left I need to buy other bills, pay for food, pay for catfood (and cattoys), and clothes/shoes. So many budget is not left.

I work a parttime job now because of my autism I can’t work a fulltime job at this moment (and maybe never again). So I lost quite a big amount of money every month buy working parttime and doing a job as a shoeseller insteat of an accountant.

Living on my own will be a big step, but it will be a lot of counting my money and making budget for things I want to buy. Insteat of just buying what I like whenever I want/need it.

It’s so hard living in Belgium with an disorder that makes you only work a partime job and not having an extra support. I’ve tried a fulltime job for  years but I was always so sick because of all the stress and the public transport to work. Now I have a job close to me, which I like very much … AND I can talk about shoes every minute of my workday. I’m not a prisoner of my job anymore. Besides I feel great, my future life will be on a budget.

Payday is on monday and then the counting will start. I have some great tips received when I was asking for help for spending less money.

Leaving my cards at home, only paying with cash, and writing everything down.

But it’s Christmas soon?

Christmas in my family will be a sad period so we will not spending a lot of money (it will be the first Christmas without my grandma). As we will not give presents to a lot of family, I will give myself a little present. Something that will get me through the Holiday weeks.

So this Christmas I will only spend 96 EUR for a pair of boots I wanted since summer. They are priced 120 EUR in store but I have a discount as a member of the team.

Boots met Studs Zwart Bullboxer

Maybe you should think, ‘why not saving those 96 EUR insteat of buying boots’? But that’s the autistic me that is talking of taking the boots because I really wanted them for months now. I’ve been brave over the weeks/months and not bought them the first time I saw them online.

AND

I always find good shoes/boots in fall or winter season. When it’s spring or summer I can only wear my Converse All Stars or Vans. Shoes like sandals are horrible for this autistic girl.

Birthday is coming tooooo

Oh yess my birthday is coming in January, the month before I’m going to move to my new house. For my birthday I already know what I want … new UGG mini boots (in pink) for in my new house. My stairway will not be finished when I’m going to move, so I need some good comfy shoes for in the house.

I really wanted these for a few weeks now, so that will be a hudge thing in my budgetplanner for next month. Still hoping for a few EUR for NewYear (we give presents on NewYears day too). Oh and with a discount from work, it will not be that shocking !

These are the ones …

More tips?

Do you have more tips about using a budgetplanner that works? Or do you have a picture of a great budgetplanner (on paper) that you use?

Please no negative reactions about saving the money for the shoes for something else. Having autism is hard if your plans (things you want for a long time) are not coming true.

Thanks!  Love Lucy xx