Just an update on my life

So my last blogpost I wrote at the end of March. So scary to find out that it was that long ago.

Well, I also have to admit that there was some few things not going well the past weeks. I thought to give you all an update, and tell out about the next coming months.

Autism, my side effects on life

Being on the autistic spectrum disorder, is (for me) having some issues on just dealing with daily life. It’s kind of hard to find a good balance between worklife, personal life, and social life.

I work a parttime job, most weeks around 20 hours a week, to find some rest in my head. But I really can’t find that rest and peace in my head as I was expecting it would be.

Now I’m kind at the hedge of having a depression again, but now I have some great help from the start to deal with it.

All the stress of daily life, going to work, work with a lot of people, building a house, going to the city (to see the psychologist) and not allowed to go to the shops, having a lot of musscle pain, having psoriasis on my head (and eyebrows) … like how much can one person handle?

For me it’s just so hard to find a right middle on all those things that makes me happy.

Psoriasis

So since September I’ve been diagnosed with psoriasis, and it’s based on my head and now also on my eyebrows. It’s so horrible.

Like it’s so painfull to dye my hair, and it’s even forbidden. NO DYE my hair, so all the grey hairs will be everywhere 😮
Yess, that’s reality when you are over 30 years, so sad.

All those emotions on the treatment, the special products I have to uses daily, the stress of making time for it everyday. And for what ? I will always be under a lot of stress because of my autism, and stress is the main factor on making psoriasis worse.

Like it’s an endless circle.

Muscle pain

Since a few months/years (I’m bad with times) I have some serious pains everywhere in my body.

In the hospital (where I had an appointment for my psoriasis) they told me to go to another doctor who’s specialised in reumathism, and artritis.

With that doctor I had an appointement in march, just a 10 minutes talk. I had to go back to the hospital to do some tests which I did on the 20th.

A few days later I got the results and she told me nothing was wrong and that was it. No further tests, no appointment to talk about the results … just nothing. I was so angry, and had so many emotions going on I couldn’t place.

My normal doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, all think I have fibromyalgia but in the hospital they would do further tests … I really hate it when thinking about it.

So now I got some telephone numbers of other reumatologists in my area to go for a second opinion and some more tests.

AND HERE’S THE PROBLEM NOW

I got some telephone numbers, I mean telephone numbers ??? Like I hate to call people, I hate to call doctors and tell everything over the phone. Searched all the internet for some more details, but it looks like that doctor only have a phone to contact her. So now I’m under some more stress to call them next Tuesday. Today is impossible, because I’m just not ready.

How I see the future?

These days I’m having high stresslevels because soon I’ll be moving out, and will be living on my own. A whole house just for me, a new neighbourghood, new people, new way to go to work, new busses, new sounds, … Everything will be NEW !!

I really hate changes, I really hate the word NEW (not when it come’s to new shoes, but that’s something different, right). Shoes are my thing, the thing I like, the thing I can talk about for hours, or just look for new styles for hours. Oh boy, here I go again talking about shoes, so sorry! 

So the next few weeks will be filled with all new things, a lot of stress, a lot of pain (headaches, muscles pains), a lot of work in the shoe store, moving my things, figuring out what it will be living on my own and with a budget.

That last part will be such a hard thing to deal with, paying for everything while I work parttime and have to pay my house, and all the monthy costs with only one small paycheck.

Most of the days I think I can beat my emotions and think the future will be so good, but other days I’m getting such depressed feelings about it and feelings of giving up. I’m getting back to the ‘one moment I feeling happy and one moment I feel down’ period.

BUT like I said now I have a whole team who’s there for me, and hope you will be here to reading my story and helping me out.

Thanks for reading !

Greets Lucy xx

 

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I got my keys

A lot is going on the last past days/weeks, which comes with a lot of stress, a lot of scary moments. Later more about that.

BUT there’s also some good news.

I GOT THE KEYS OF MY NEW HOME

So yesterday was the last day the builders had access to my house to replace things or to do stuff. The last day, because now it’s officially mine.

I’m really happy to have my own place, my own quite place. For me as an autistic girl I really need some quite places for just me. Time to rest, time to take a nap during the day, without beeing told to do stuff.

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Now it’s only some little work that has to be done, like painting the wall upstairs before I can move all my clothes and other stuff.

Now I can go to Ikea and pick all the items I really like to make it mine.

Before I really move I have some bad workweeks coming with a lot of workdays. So guess I’ll be moving around June. Well that’s the plan, you never know what could happen, right.

Well, that’s it for this little blog. Just wanted to share you all the great new I had yesterday, that I have my keys to my new house !!!

Love Lucy xx

Why I didn’t write on my blog this past month?

Well, it’s quite shocking for me to see that me last update on my blog was on February 19. It were some very hard 4 weeks to handle everything that was happening in my life … thinking about ‘my autistic life’. 

Here’s some more details about what happened and what is still going on with me today.

Health 

Beeing on the Autistic Spectrum gives me a lot of stress every single day is a struggle. That high level of stress everyday is making my psoriasis on my head very bad. Sometimes I just want to stay inside forever. When you just took a shower and your hair is still dirty, that’s just horrible.

Besides that I also have some rheumatism pain in my hands, fingers, wrist, shoulders, knees, toos and ankles … oh and neck aswell. I can almost say everywhere in my body. Like today I woke up at 2h30 pm this afternoon and still havinging the feeling I want to be in bed.

Working 2 days in a row is so painfull and that is killing me the days after. At work I just take some medication to stop the pain for a few hours, but later at home I feel like crap.

Next week I have some doctor appointments in the hospital to do some tests to check if all my muscle pain is coming from my psoriasis or maybe it’s fibromyalgia.

Oh yeah, going to some new doctors and doing some tests is giving me so much more stress right now. I just have to be strong the next few days. And just not freak out that I have to work from Thursday through Sunday (4 whole days!).

Work

Normally at the end of this month I was finishing my job at my current workplace. There was not a chance to stay because I was just replacing a colleague who was coming back. No place for me there, so I had to start looking for a new job. Like fulltime, parttime, more hours, extra time to travel to work, waking up at 6am again, etc. Who wouldn’t be freaking out?

It’s like starting all over again and again leaving a place where you love to work.

Last week I got the most amazing news on Monday morning. I was just starting to look for some jobs on the internet, when my boss called. They offered me a new contract starting April 2nd till …. (my pension I hope). I just can’t say how HAPPY I felt that moment.

I closed the computer and stopped looking for some new jobs. A part of my stresslevel went down. I felt so good. Keeping this job was so important, and I’m so glad for this chance they gave me.

Weight

When having this pain I take a lot of pain medication during the days I work. Besides that I also use some cremes for the pain. All those things that I do to stop the pain for a few hours, are giving me some weight gane.

Okay, at this point my pants, dresses etc are killing me. Nothing seems to fit good. So scary 😦 But I will work on a healthy diet again.

Not eating peanutbutter is not an issue. I will never give that up.

At this moment I’m baking a healty pineapple cake. So hope I can keep it healthy the next weeks.

Moving

Well as my house is almost finised, it’s also time to start thinking about moving out. Moving for the first time in my life, for the first time in 33 years I’m leaving this house, this farm. It really makes me so sad, and it’s also giving me some more stress. Oh yess, there it is again … some more stress. Like my life is under presure at the moment, time to break every moment.

I’m already started to paint some wall pink, working on my Ikea Hemnes Bathroom like I dreamed off. Oh and I started to pack at home. That is another hard and horrible thing to do. How can you pack in a few weeks? Well, I can’t, I just can’t.

When I take somenthing to put in a box, I have to think like a 1000 times if it’s the right box, do I need that thing in the next weeks, do I really need this in my new home. Saying goodbye to shoes and clothes that’s not done for me. But I have to do it. I just can’t move more than a 100 pairs off shoes in my new dressing room.

I still need some room and space for the new collection of shoes and bags that will come in the next years as I have to buy some new shoes and bags EVERY season to wear in the store.

Steve Madden is my greatest idol ever, and I just am so proud to be a  shoeseller like him and leaving my dream in a shoestore.

Depression

The past weeks I felt a bit depressed, like life was not worth it. With the help of a great team I finally can say it’s going a bit better. Not there yet but I keep working on it every day.

Having some mental problems is hard, and it’s not better in just a few days. Life is a job where you have to work on it every single day.

Glad I can see those words to myself 🙂

Blogging

I totally missed blogging the past weeks. I was active on twitter and on my Instagram but I will write and spend some more time in my blogging. Hope you will still be there to read my story !

Thank you !!!

Love Lucy xx