So my last blogpost I wrote at the end of March. So scary to find out that it was that long ago.
Well, I also have to admit that there was some few things not going well the past weeks. I thought to give you all an update, and tell out about the next coming months.
Autism, my side effects on life
Being on the autistic spectrum disorder, is (for me) having some issues on just dealing with daily life. It’s kind of hard to find a good balance between worklife, personal life, and social life.
I work a parttime job, most weeks around 20 hours a week, to find some rest in my head. But I really can’t find that rest and peace in my head as I was expecting it would be.
Now I’m kind at the hedge of having a depression again, but now I have some great help from the start to deal with it.
All the stress of daily life, going to work, work with a lot of people, building a house, going to the city (to see the psychologist) and not allowed to go to the shops, having a lot of musscle pain, having psoriasis on my head (and eyebrows) … like how much can one person handle?
For me it’s just so hard to find a right middle on all those things that makes me happy.
So since September I’ve been diagnosed with psoriasis, and it’s based on my head and now also on my eyebrows. It’s so horrible.
Like it’s so painfull to dye my hair, and it’s even forbidden. NO DYE my hair, so all the grey hairs will be everywhere 😮
Yess, that’s reality when you are over 30 years, so sad.
All those emotions on the treatment, the special products I have to uses daily, the stress of making time for it everyday. And for what ? I will always be under a lot of stress because of my autism, and stress is the main factor on making psoriasis worse.
Like it’s an endless circle.
Since a few months/years (I’m bad with times) I have some serious pains everywhere in my body.
In the hospital (where I had an appointment for my psoriasis) they told me to go to another doctor who’s specialised in reumathism, and artritis.
With that doctor I had an appointement in march, just a 10 minutes talk. I had to go back to the hospital to do some tests which I did on the 20th.
A few days later I got the results and she told me nothing was wrong and that was it. No further tests, no appointment to talk about the results … just nothing. I was so angry, and had so many emotions going on I couldn’t place.
My normal doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, all think I have fibromyalgia but in the hospital they would do further tests … I really hate it when thinking about it.
So now I got some telephone numbers of other reumatologists in my area to go for a second opinion and some more tests.
AND HERE’S THE PROBLEM NOW
I got some telephone numbers, I mean telephone numbers ??? Like I hate to call people, I hate to call doctors and tell everything over the phone. Searched all the internet for some more details, but it looks like that doctor only have a phone to contact her. So now I’m under some more stress to call them next Tuesday. Today is impossible, because I’m just not ready.
How I see the future?
These days I’m having high stresslevels because soon I’ll be moving out, and will be living on my own. A whole house just for me, a new neighbourghood, new people, new way to go to work, new busses, new sounds, … Everything will be NEW !!
I really hate changes, I really hate the word NEW (not when it come’s to new shoes, but that’s something different, right). Shoes are my thing, the thing I like, the thing I can talk about for hours, or just look for new styles for hours. Oh boy, here I go again talking about shoes, so sorry!
So the next few weeks will be filled with all new things, a lot of stress, a lot of pain (headaches, muscles pains), a lot of work in the shoe store, moving my things, figuring out what it will be living on my own and with a budget.
That last part will be such a hard thing to deal with, paying for everything while I work parttime and have to pay my house, and all the monthy costs with only one small paycheck.
Most of the days I think I can beat my emotions and think the future will be so good, but other days I’m getting such depressed feelings about it and feelings of giving up. I’m getting back to the ‘one moment I feeling happy and one moment I feel down’ period.
BUT like I said now I have a whole team who’s there for me, and hope you will be here to reading my story and helping me out.
Thanks for reading !
Greets Lucy xx