Just an update on my life

So my last blogpost I wrote at the end of March. So scary to find out that it was that long ago.

Well, I also have to admit that there was some few things not going well the past weeks. I thought to give you all an update, and tell out about the next coming months.

Autism, my side effects on life

Being on the autistic spectrum disorder, is (for me) having some issues on just dealing with daily life. It’s kind of hard to find a good balance between worklife, personal life, and social life.

I work a parttime job, most weeks around 20 hours a week, to find some rest in my head. But I really can’t find that rest and peace in my head as I was expecting it would be.

Now I’m kind at the hedge of having a depression again, but now I have some great help from the start to deal with it.

All the stress of daily life, going to work, work with a lot of people, building a house, going to the city (to see the psychologist) and not allowed to go to the shops, having a lot of musscle pain, having psoriasis on my head (and eyebrows) … like how much can one person handle?

For me it’s just so hard to find a right middle on all those things that makes me happy.

Psoriasis

So since September I’ve been diagnosed with psoriasis, and it’s based on my head and now also on my eyebrows. It’s so horrible.

Like it’s so painfull to dye my hair, and it’s even forbidden. NO DYE my hair, so all the grey hairs will be everywhere 😮
Yess, that’s reality when you are over 30 years, so sad.

All those emotions on the treatment, the special products I have to uses daily, the stress of making time for it everyday. And for what ? I will always be under a lot of stress because of my autism, and stress is the main factor on making psoriasis worse.

Like it’s an endless circle.

Muscle pain

Since a few months/years (I’m bad with times) I have some serious pains everywhere in my body.

In the hospital (where I had an appointment for my psoriasis) they told me to go to another doctor who’s specialised in reumathism, and artritis.

With that doctor I had an appointement in march, just a 10 minutes talk. I had to go back to the hospital to do some tests which I did on the 20th.

A few days later I got the results and she told me nothing was wrong and that was it. No further tests, no appointment to talk about the results … just nothing. I was so angry, and had so many emotions going on I couldn’t place.

My normal doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, all think I have fibromyalgia but in the hospital they would do further tests … I really hate it when thinking about it.

So now I got some telephone numbers of other reumatologists in my area to go for a second opinion and some more tests.

AND HERE’S THE PROBLEM NOW

I got some telephone numbers, I mean telephone numbers ??? Like I hate to call people, I hate to call doctors and tell everything over the phone. Searched all the internet for some more details, but it looks like that doctor only have a phone to contact her. So now I’m under some more stress to call them next Tuesday. Today is impossible, because I’m just not ready.

How I see the future?

These days I’m having high stresslevels because soon I’ll be moving out, and will be living on my own. A whole house just for me, a new neighbourghood, new people, new way to go to work, new busses, new sounds, … Everything will be NEW !!

I really hate changes, I really hate the word NEW (not when it come’s to new shoes, but that’s something different, right). Shoes are my thing, the thing I like, the thing I can talk about for hours, or just look for new styles for hours. Oh boy, here I go again talking about shoes, so sorry! 

So the next few weeks will be filled with all new things, a lot of stress, a lot of pain (headaches, muscles pains), a lot of work in the shoe store, moving my things, figuring out what it will be living on my own and with a budget.

That last part will be such a hard thing to deal with, paying for everything while I work parttime and have to pay my house, and all the monthy costs with only one small paycheck.

Most of the days I think I can beat my emotions and think the future will be so good, but other days I’m getting such depressed feelings about it and feelings of giving up. I’m getting back to the ‘one moment I feeling happy and one moment I feel down’ period.

BUT like I said now I have a whole team who’s there for me, and hope you will be here to reading my story and helping me out.

Thanks for reading !

Greets Lucy xx

 

Advertenties

I got my keys

A lot is going on the last past days/weeks, which comes with a lot of stress, a lot of scary moments. Later more about that.

BUT there’s also some good news.

I GOT THE KEYS OF MY NEW HOME

So yesterday was the last day the builders had access to my house to replace things or to do stuff. The last day, because now it’s officially mine.

I’m really happy to have my own place, my own quite place. For me as an autistic girl I really need some quite places for just me. Time to rest, time to take a nap during the day, without beeing told to do stuff.

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Now it’s only some little work that has to be done, like painting the wall upstairs before I can move all my clothes and other stuff.

Now I can go to Ikea and pick all the items I really like to make it mine.

Before I really move I have some bad workweeks coming with a lot of workdays. So guess I’ll be moving around June. Well that’s the plan, you never know what could happen, right.

Well, that’s it for this little blog. Just wanted to share you all the great new I had yesterday, that I have my keys to my new house !!!

Love Lucy xx

Why I didn’t write on my blog this past month?

Well, it’s quite shocking for me to see that me last update on my blog was on February 19. It were some very hard 4 weeks to handle everything that was happening in my life … thinking about ‘my autistic life’. 

Here’s some more details about what happened and what is still going on with me today.

Health 

Beeing on the Autistic Spectrum gives me a lot of stress every single day is a struggle. That high level of stress everyday is making my psoriasis on my head very bad. Sometimes I just want to stay inside forever. When you just took a shower and your hair is still dirty, that’s just horrible.

Besides that I also have some rheumatism pain in my hands, fingers, wrist, shoulders, knees, toos and ankles … oh and neck aswell. I can almost say everywhere in my body. Like today I woke up at 2h30 pm this afternoon and still havinging the feeling I want to be in bed.

Working 2 days in a row is so painfull and that is killing me the days after. At work I just take some medication to stop the pain for a few hours, but later at home I feel like crap.

Next week I have some doctor appointments in the hospital to do some tests to check if all my muscle pain is coming from my psoriasis or maybe it’s fibromyalgia.

Oh yeah, going to some new doctors and doing some tests is giving me so much more stress right now. I just have to be strong the next few days. And just not freak out that I have to work from Thursday through Sunday (4 whole days!).

Work

Normally at the end of this month I was finishing my job at my current workplace. There was not a chance to stay because I was just replacing a colleague who was coming back. No place for me there, so I had to start looking for a new job. Like fulltime, parttime, more hours, extra time to travel to work, waking up at 6am again, etc. Who wouldn’t be freaking out?

It’s like starting all over again and again leaving a place where you love to work.

Last week I got the most amazing news on Monday morning. I was just starting to look for some jobs on the internet, when my boss called. They offered me a new contract starting April 2nd till …. (my pension I hope). I just can’t say how HAPPY I felt that moment.

I closed the computer and stopped looking for some new jobs. A part of my stresslevel went down. I felt so good. Keeping this job was so important, and I’m so glad for this chance they gave me.

Weight

When having this pain I take a lot of pain medication during the days I work. Besides that I also use some cremes for the pain. All those things that I do to stop the pain for a few hours, are giving me some weight gane.

Okay, at this point my pants, dresses etc are killing me. Nothing seems to fit good. So scary 😦 But I will work on a healthy diet again.

Not eating peanutbutter is not an issue. I will never give that up.

At this moment I’m baking a healty pineapple cake. So hope I can keep it healthy the next weeks.

Moving

Well as my house is almost finised, it’s also time to start thinking about moving out. Moving for the first time in my life, for the first time in 33 years I’m leaving this house, this farm. It really makes me so sad, and it’s also giving me some more stress. Oh yess, there it is again … some more stress. Like my life is under presure at the moment, time to break every moment.

I’m already started to paint some wall pink, working on my Ikea Hemnes Bathroom like I dreamed off. Oh and I started to pack at home. That is another hard and horrible thing to do. How can you pack in a few weeks? Well, I can’t, I just can’t.

When I take somenthing to put in a box, I have to think like a 1000 times if it’s the right box, do I need that thing in the next weeks, do I really need this in my new home. Saying goodbye to shoes and clothes that’s not done for me. But I have to do it. I just can’t move more than a 100 pairs off shoes in my new dressing room.

I still need some room and space for the new collection of shoes and bags that will come in the next years as I have to buy some new shoes and bags EVERY season to wear in the store.

Steve Madden is my greatest idol ever, and I just am so proud to be a  shoeseller like him and leaving my dream in a shoestore.

Depression

The past weeks I felt a bit depressed, like life was not worth it. With the help of a great team I finally can say it’s going a bit better. Not there yet but I keep working on it every day.

Having some mental problems is hard, and it’s not better in just a few days. Life is a job where you have to work on it every single day.

Glad I can see those words to myself 🙂

Blogging

I totally missed blogging the past weeks. I was active on twitter and on my Instagram but I will write and spend some more time in my blogging. Hope you will still be there to read my story !

Thank you !!!

Love Lucy xx

 

Review : ‘Paint Runner Pro’ … Does it really works??

As you might know from previous blogs, I’m almost moving out here. Time for a new place.

A new place, with all white walls? Euhm ‘white’ walls ? Something that I really hate as a fashionlover, shoelover and just a lifestyleblogger. I just can’t imagine how I can live in a house with all white walls? It’s so boring, right?

When you watch some television during the day, you might have seen all the promo about ‘Téléshopping’ (that’s the name here in Belgium). So you can buy online stuff you saw at the commercial. For all those commercials I had something about it “could that reallt be possible?”. I’m always a bit suspicious when it’s about something that’s on the televion.

Really Good products don’t need all the fame of televion, they are good and people already know it.

So, let’s go back to the “Paint Runner Pro”.

I bought me one … or two???

So before Christmas it happened. I bought a Paint Runner Pro online at Bol.com (a Dutch webshop who just sells everything). I was like buy one and get one for free.

First I was like. If you need one, what would you be with a second set? Yess, it was a whole set of paint rollers for the sides and the small ends.

After using the Paint Runner Pro, I have to admit why you get a second one ! 

So about a few weeks ago it was time to get the painting starting in my new house.  A lot of work and it’s still not finished the way I wanted it.

The 2 tools that were delivered with the Paint Runner Pro (for the small pieces and the ends of the walls) are just horrible to use. I ended up with buying a new small normal paint roller in the store.

In the commercials they are using the Paint Runner Pro without putting some tape around the edges. This really doesn’t work. I have to put some tape before painting. Okay, I’m not the most handy girl out there, but for this creative girl it was a nightmare without tape.

I also have terrible pain in my wrists and hands because of some Rheumatism (that will be tested the next month). They say ‘everybody can paint everywall with this’. Well it’s def not if you have pain in your hands. It’s a very hard task in the beginning when the Paint Runner Pro is just filled with paint. Sooooo painfull it was.

Near the end of the paint I went a bit smoother, and then it was okay to paint the next layer of the walls.

Overall, I’m still in doubt if this was the best way to paint my walls pink or that I should have used a regular paint roller.

Here are some pictures of the Pro and contra I had with this Paint Runner Pro.

So this was the start where I used the Paint Runner Pro. It was so heavy to paint with, but the coverage of the paint was very good. Very smooth in the way the paint turned out on the walls.

Because the first time using the Paint Runner Pro while it was full was so heavy, it left me with all those marks on the left side. As you can see on the right see (when the Paint Runner Pro was almost empthy) it went a bit smoother and less marks on the wall.

Here’s the Paint Runner Pro during the painting my walls process. Paint all over it, and equal on every side. This was when the paint was almost gone. On the right side is the little paint roller I have to buy because the other Paint Runner Pro pieces didn’t work.

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This is the wall in my living room after 2 layers with the Paint Runner Pro. In the Kitchen, restroom and bathroom I only needed 2 layers of paint, but here in the living room I need a thirth extra layer because it doens’t look the way I wanted it to be.

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The kitchen in the back is well okay, while it’s the same color of paint and I used the same tools as in the livingroom.

REVIEW

So here are my pro’s and some negative points of this Paint Runner Pro. It’s easy when you have to paint like all the walls at the same time, walls without a lot of electricity or edges.

It’s really heavy when you just filled it with paint, but when it’s almost empty it’s really easy and really fun to work with it.

The 2 other items from Paint Runner Pro are not that practical in use, and especially not without some tape on the walls.

Would I buy it again, or recommend it to someone else?

Yess, if you want to paint your walls in one color, within the following days. No, if you are planning on using more than one collor on your walls  !

Why ? See below …

How to clean this ???

Something I really don’t get is “how do you clean the inside and the whole roller?” If you can help me, please let me know. Really need some help in cleaning this on the inside.

It’s clean but there’s still some pink just everywhere. I just can’t figure out how I can clean all the pink left on the inside. *soconfusing*

The way I see it now is … You can only use it for JUST ONE COLOR and just one color ! One thing I really understand now is why you get a second one, or buy one get one for free.

You need one for your white walls and one if your are planning to use some color. Don’t know if that’s the real reason but for me it’s.

I have the same thing with the second Paint Runner Pro ! I just can’t clean all the white primer paint out of it. It’s getting soooo frustrating as I was planning to use this Paint Runner Pro for a green color and a black one. Oh No, and I’m not planning on buying a new set for those colors. Guess I’ll have a trip to my local Hubo store and get me a regular roller.

Tips for me … Please leave a reaction below. I really want to know how to clean it in a good way, so I can use it for other colors too. 

It looks a bit dirty and so not clean, but this is how it looks after washing & washing & washing *hopeless*

If you are planning on buying one, I got mine from the Dutch site below. I guess it’s been selling all over the world.

Paint Runner Pro – Bol.com

Total look ?

Well you have to wait just a bit longer, till it is finished

Love Lucy xx

So this was my year … 2017

I just can’t believe this … it’s already January 4th. Where did the last 4 days go? It’s going so fast again. *so shocking*

A year full of changes

If I have to discripe my year 2017 with ONLY one word, it will be … CHANGES !

As a girl on the autistic spectrum, I have to say : “I HATE CHANGES”. It’s so hard for me to deal with new things that are coming to me without I asked for it.

So last year was very hard for me. A lot of changes in every part of my life. Here’s some more about everything …

1. Work

At the end of 2016, I got more and more tasks to do at my old office. My work hours and workdays to do all the things didn’t changed. So more work, and more stress.

All that work ended up with longer workdays. I started at my office at 7.30 am and most of the days I left at 5.15 pm. More than I should be there, but there was no alternative.

My old workplace was not in my area, but near Brussels. So in the mornings I had to leave home and take the train at 6.15 am (every single workday). Most of the days I came home at 7 pm.

As I don’t have a drivers licence, I had to take public transportation like the train and the bus. That combination of trains and busses was horrible.

A lot of stress before work of all the people in the train/bus, than a stressy day at work, and going back with more stress because I was always late at home.

In November 2016 most problems started again like the symptons of an autistic burn-out. But in January 2017 I was ready to get some more help, and I was able to have a positive feeling about the new year. I was planning of searching a new job, closer to home.

Than February 2017 came … The announcement of around 70 people will lose their job in March. So horrible. Together with my depression feelings and that new I got very ill (mentally).

In March I knew I was one of the ‘lucky’ people who was going to lose their job in June. When I got the news I was okay with it. About 15 minutes later, when I saw my colleagues I crashed. Than I realized I had to leave all of them behind and leave the work I loved to do.  change # 1

After taking a long break I didn’t had to go back to work, so May 18 was my last day. A month earlier.

During 3 months I got some amazing support from a extern company here in Belgium to find a new job. As an accountant there are still plenthy of jobs in my area, and still receiving invitations for jobs.

I decided that with my autism (together with my psychiatrist and psychologist) I could work a fulltime job in an office the following months. So time for a new plan. I really love fashion and more I really like shoes.

If I had to search for a new job, I wanted to do something where I can share my passion for shoes and fashion with others.  So I went searching for a job as a shoeseller or fashion advisor (I have a diploma ‘fashion advisor’).

After some tests and interviews I found THE MOST AMAZING job in the world. I started to work in my favorite shoestore. I can talk about shoes all day long. I’m now so happy when I can go to work.

This new job (a new big change) change # 2 changed my life in a positive way. I’m so GRATEFUL for the change I got to work for this amazing team of colleagues ! It’s just like working in a store full of family or friends.

Okay … working in a shoestore is so hard when you have less money because you work parttime. You know what I mean … putting a shoelover in a shoestore is like a kid in a candy store ! It’s so hard!

2. Family

Another change in my life last year. In May I had to say goodbye to my grandma. It was so hard, after knowing here my whole life. As a farmers daughter we always were together here.  change # 3

That with losing my job in March was so hard that I crashed at work when I got the message she past away.  But with some great mental help, I had giving it a place. Not having to go back to work was also a great thing.

Now in January I still have some difficult moments, but that’s everything here reminds me of her (she lived her too).

3. Building a house

Can you guess it? Oh yes another big change. After hunting for the perfect house for years, I started to build (let it build by great people) my own house. Just a little house, but it’s all new, and all the things I like are there.

I had to change to create it the way that I wanted it to be. So now I have the outside looking like the grey bricks of the Cinderella castle at Magic Kingdom in Walt Disney World.  (will post some pictures later, as it’s not whole finished at this day).

This is change # 4 , and it’s going to be a big CHANGE in this year. Hoping to move out after living here at home for 33 years! I’m now going to move to my own place with my 2 beloved cats.

I hope we can be happy there all on ourselfs (me and the cats).

4. Starting a blog

In January 2017 I started a blog here on WordPress (called AutiLucy) about my life at that moment and all the problems I had living my autistic life.

During all those months I was not that ‘happy’ blog.

I took me till June to feel better and better and started to live a happier life again. Left all my previous problems behind.

So my life changed, got my happy life back. I never felt that happy in years ! I was so done with posting on my old blog, because it was a daily remember of all the bad things that happend the past months.

A fresh start in my life, so a fresh start in blogging ! change # 5

In october I started to use Twitter again to share my daily story with people who were kind to me and were interested in my store. So also a THANK YOU to you reading my blog at the moment. I means so much to me.

Day after day I feel so much better when I can blog. It’s like I found of way to talk to people, to share my story, found somebody to listen to me.

5. Losing colleagues, friends

In 2017 I lost the colleagues I loved to work with. But when going to a weekly appointement of ‘outplacement’ I felt better. Now that all of that is over, I kind of miss them. change # 6

During the months of 2017 I also lost some friends. First they stopped talking to me, but hey I’m over that now.

I have a few friends and now I have the amazing colleagues where I can talk to. Oh now I’m putting ‘have’, hope that in don’t have to put ‘had’ in a few weeks as my contract is almost finished. But I will still go shop there, so will see them for sure.

6. Losing weight

At the end of all the changes 2017 gave me. It also gave me the change of losing weight again. I lost 17 kg from January till August. Just eating healthier, making healthier choices. change # 7

The weight came on because of all the medication I had to take for my depression / autistic burn-out. I still take some of that medication but I eat less and drink more water.

I’m also became a big fan of Noimi Smart and since I have here first cookbook I’m all into eating better.

I stopped eating meat, and trying to eat more veggies.

As part of my autism, I have some problems with eating. I eat things in an order, start my day with the same breakfast every single day. If I liked something to eat, I can eat that for days, till the moment I had enough.

On days I work till 7 pm I don’t eat a warm (good) meal, but now I trying to eat a healthy wrap with spinach.

7. Parttime job, parttime money

After working a fulltime job for more than 10 years, I started to work a parttime job. I was used to buy the things I like. To buy the parfum and make-up I wanted and that was so good, but so expensive (looking at it now).  change # 8

Now I have half the budget, but not half the costs in my life. Guess that part of bills will never change. You always have to pay the bills and bills are still coming. So shocking. But the truth.

Now I have to look at things I want for weeks, plan it, make a budget and safe a lot of money (a lot of money).

Not buying the shoes you like, when you’re working in a shoestore. SO yeah it’s a hard life having a budget. Plan for 2018 is to find a way to get more money but not having to work outside the house for a fulltime job. Doing a parttime job as extra from here at home, that will work for me. No stress of public transportation which made my days so bad.

8. What about 2018?

Well, 2018 will be another year with big changes. But now I feel happy and for the first time I’m okay with all the new things coming my way. Kind of strange to say that I’m feeling okay with changes in my life.

Here are some changes that are coming to me in the next months:

  • some hospital appointements coming soon, and it’s pretty scary for me.
  • can I stay at my job or not? searching a new job or not?
  • decorating my new home
  • preparing my cats to move
  • moving out
  • hospital for some test for fibromyalgia or ???
  • finding an extra job or find a way to become a freelance blogger or writer, or trying to life from my blog. Can’t live my life with less money because of my fulltime job.
  • starting a budget planner to start safe money

Probably more changes coming, but you’ll be the first to know it.

 

I’m ending my blog here. Enough changes to talk about. In every single part of my life I had to make changes.

Love Lucy xx

If you have some tips on how to get more money as a blogger, freelancer, etc from home, please let me know.

Blogmas 2 … making a budget planner

December 2nd, 2017

A new month has started yesterday and so does this Blogmas. Well, as you might have seen on my Twitter or on my blog I kind of like clothes and shoes a lot. Besides that I’m curently building my own house here in Belgium (euhm people are doing it for me 😉 ).

With all the cost I have with moving in February I need a good plan for my upcoming budget.

Planning my budget with an app on my iPhone doesn’t work for me. I need something to hold to, something where I can draw on, somenthing that I really have in my hand.

For weeks now I have in mind of doing this but I always said “I’ll do that tomorrow”. Honestly that day ‘tomorrow’ never came. *shame on me*

Today is the day !

Now it’s the time to start working on a budgetplanner that really works for me. You may not like the lay-out of my plan, but I guess that this will work for me.

Time for a pink notebook, because I just adore pink 😉

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After a long day at work and feeling really tired I found the energy to make me a budgetplanner.

Here are some pictures of how I’m making my budgetplanner. At this moment it’s not finished yet, but the idea is on paper and I can work with it.

After creating a lay-out I started to fill in all the money I earn each month and all my expenses on the other side of the paper.

Most monthly expenses I know like the money I have to pay for my house, the gas, the electricity, my monthly appointment with my psychiatrist and psychologist (which I need) and medication.

What’s left I need to buy other bills, pay for food, pay for catfood (and cattoys), and clothes/shoes. So many budget is not left.

I work a parttime job now because of my autism I can’t work a fulltime job at this moment (and maybe never again). So I lost quite a big amount of money every month buy working parttime and doing a job as a shoeseller insteat of an accountant.

Living on my own will be a big step, but it will be a lot of counting my money and making budget for things I want to buy. Insteat of just buying what I like whenever I want/need it.

It’s so hard living in Belgium with an disorder that makes you only work a partime job and not having an extra support. I’ve tried a fulltime job for  years but I was always so sick because of all the stress and the public transport to work. Now I have a job close to me, which I like very much … AND I can talk about shoes every minute of my workday. I’m not a prisoner of my job anymore. Besides I feel great, my future life will be on a budget.

Payday is on monday and then the counting will start. I have some great tips received when I was asking for help for spending less money.

Leaving my cards at home, only paying with cash, and writing everything down.

But it’s Christmas soon?

Christmas in my family will be a sad period so we will not spending a lot of money (it will be the first Christmas without my grandma). As we will not give presents to a lot of family, I will give myself a little present. Something that will get me through the Holiday weeks.

So this Christmas I will only spend 96 EUR for a pair of boots I wanted since summer. They are priced 120 EUR in store but I have a discount as a member of the team.

Boots met Studs Zwart Bullboxer

Maybe you should think, ‘why not saving those 96 EUR insteat of buying boots’? But that’s the autistic me that is talking of taking the boots because I really wanted them for months now. I’ve been brave over the weeks/months and not bought them the first time I saw them online.

AND

I always find good shoes/boots in fall or winter season. When it’s spring or summer I can only wear my Converse All Stars or Vans. Shoes like sandals are horrible for this autistic girl.

Birthday is coming tooooo

Oh yess my birthday is coming in January, the month before I’m going to move to my new house. For my birthday I already know what I want … new UGG mini boots (in pink) for in my new house. My stairway will not be finished when I’m going to move, so I need some good comfy shoes for in the house.

I really wanted these for a few weeks now, so that will be a hudge thing in my budgetplanner for next month. Still hoping for a few EUR for NewYear (we give presents on NewYears day too). Oh and with a discount from work, it will not be that shocking !

These are the ones …

More tips?

Do you have more tips about using a budgetplanner that works? Or do you have a picture of a great budgetplanner (on paper) that you use?

Please no negative reactions about saving the money for the shoes for something else. Having autism is hard if your plans (things you want for a long time) are not coming true.

Thanks!  Love Lucy xx