So this was my year … 2017

I just can’t believe this … it’s already January 4th. Where did the last 4 days go? It’s going so fast again. *so shocking*

A year full of changes

If I have to discripe my year 2017 with ONLY one word, it will be … CHANGES !

As a girl on the autistic spectrum, I have to say : “I HATE CHANGES”. It’s so hard for me to deal with new things that are coming to me without I asked for it.

So last year was very hard for me. A lot of changes in every part of my life. Here’s some more about everything …

1. Work

At the end of 2016, I got more and more tasks to do at my old office. My work hours and workdays to do all the things didn’t changed. So more work, and more stress.

All that work ended up with longer workdays. I started at my office at 7.30 am and most of the days I left at 5.15 pm. More than I should be there, but there was no alternative.

My old workplace was not in my area, but near Brussels. So in the mornings I had to leave home and take the train at 6.15 am (every single workday). Most of the days I came home at 7 pm.

As I don’t have a drivers licence, I had to take public transportation like the train and the bus. That combination of trains and busses was horrible.

A lot of stress before work of all the people in the train/bus, than a stressy day at work, and going back with more stress because I was always late at home.

In November 2016 most problems started again like the symptons of an autistic burn-out. But in January 2017 I was ready to get some more help, and I was able to have a positive feeling about the new year. I was planning of searching a new job, closer to home.

Than February 2017 came … The announcement of around 70 people will lose their job in March. So horrible. Together with my depression feelings and that new I got very ill (mentally).

In March I knew I was one of the ‘lucky’ people who was going to lose their job in June. When I got the news I was okay with it. About 15 minutes later, when I saw my colleagues I crashed. Than I realized I had to leave all of them behind and leave the work I loved to do.  change # 1

After taking a long break I didn’t had to go back to work, so May 18 was my last day. A month earlier.

During 3 months I got some amazing support from a extern company here in Belgium to find a new job. As an accountant there are still plenthy of jobs in my area, and still receiving invitations for jobs.

I decided that with my autism (together with my psychiatrist and psychologist) I could work a fulltime job in an office the following months. So time for a new plan. I really love fashion and more I really like shoes.

If I had to search for a new job, I wanted to do something where I can share my passion for shoes and fashion with others.  So I went searching for a job as a shoeseller or fashion advisor (I have a diploma ‘fashion advisor’).

After some tests and interviews I found THE MOST AMAZING job in the world. I started to work in my favorite shoestore. I can talk about shoes all day long. I’m now so happy when I can go to work.

This new job (a new big change) change # 2 changed my life in a positive way. I’m so GRATEFUL for the change I got to work for this amazing team of colleagues ! It’s just like working in a store full of family or friends.

Okay … working in a shoestore is so hard when you have less money because you work parttime. You know what I mean … putting a shoelover in a shoestore is like a kid in a candy store ! It’s so hard!

2. Family

Another change in my life last year. In May I had to say goodbye to my grandma. It was so hard, after knowing here my whole life. As a farmers daughter we always were together here.  change # 3

That with losing my job in March was so hard that I crashed at work when I got the message she past away.  But with some great mental help, I had giving it a place. Not having to go back to work was also a great thing.

Now in January I still have some difficult moments, but that’s everything here reminds me of her (she lived her too).

3. Building a house

Can you guess it? Oh yes another big change. After hunting for the perfect house for years, I started to build (let it build by great people) my own house. Just a little house, but it’s all new, and all the things I like are there.

I had to change to create it the way that I wanted it to be. So now I have the outside looking like the grey bricks of the Cinderella castle at Magic Kingdom in Walt Disney World.  (will post some pictures later, as it’s not whole finished at this day).

This is change # 4 , and it’s going to be a big CHANGE in this year. Hoping to move out after living here at home for 33 years! I’m now going to move to my own place with my 2 beloved cats.

I hope we can be happy there all on ourselfs (me and the cats).

4. Starting a blog

In January 2017 I started a blog here on WordPress (called AutiLucy) about my life at that moment and all the problems I had living my autistic life.

During all those months I was not that ‘happy’ blog.

I took me till June to feel better and better and started to live a happier life again. Left all my previous problems behind.

So my life changed, got my happy life back. I never felt that happy in years ! I was so done with posting on my old blog, because it was a daily remember of all the bad things that happend the past months.

A fresh start in my life, so a fresh start in blogging ! change # 5

In october I started to use Twitter again to share my daily story with people who were kind to me and were interested in my store. So also a THANK YOU to you reading my blog at the moment. I means so much to me.

Day after day I feel so much better when I can blog. It’s like I found of way to talk to people, to share my story, found somebody to listen to me.

5. Losing colleagues, friends

In 2017 I lost the colleagues I loved to work with. But when going to a weekly appointement of ‘outplacement’ I felt better. Now that all of that is over, I kind of miss them. change # 6

During the months of 2017 I also lost some friends. First they stopped talking to me, but hey I’m over that now.

I have a few friends and now I have the amazing colleagues where I can talk to. Oh now I’m putting ‘have’, hope that in don’t have to put ‘had’ in a few weeks as my contract is almost finished. But I will still go shop there, so will see them for sure.

6. Losing weight

At the end of all the changes 2017 gave me. It also gave me the change of losing weight again. I lost 17 kg from January till August. Just eating healthier, making healthier choices. change # 7

The weight came on because of all the medication I had to take for my depression / autistic burn-out. I still take some of that medication but I eat less and drink more water.

I’m also became a big fan of Noimi Smart and since I have here first cookbook I’m all into eating better.

I stopped eating meat, and trying to eat more veggies.

As part of my autism, I have some problems with eating. I eat things in an order, start my day with the same breakfast every single day. If I liked something to eat, I can eat that for days, till the moment I had enough.

On days I work till 7 pm I don’t eat a warm (good) meal, but now I trying to eat a healthy wrap with spinach.

7. Parttime job, parttime money

After working a fulltime job for more than 10 years, I started to work a parttime job. I was used to buy the things I like. To buy the parfum and make-up I wanted and that was so good, but so expensive (looking at it now).  change # 8

Now I have half the budget, but not half the costs in my life. Guess that part of bills will never change. You always have to pay the bills and bills are still coming. So shocking. But the truth.

Now I have to look at things I want for weeks, plan it, make a budget and safe a lot of money (a lot of money).

Not buying the shoes you like, when you’re working in a shoestore. SO yeah it’s a hard life having a budget. Plan for 2018 is to find a way to get more money but not having to work outside the house for a fulltime job. Doing a parttime job as extra from here at home, that will work for me. No stress of public transportation which made my days so bad.

8. What about 2018?

Well, 2018 will be another year with big changes. But now I feel happy and for the first time I’m okay with all the new things coming my way. Kind of strange to say that I’m feeling okay with changes in my life.

Here are some changes that are coming to me in the next months:

  • some hospital appointements coming soon, and it’s pretty scary for me.
  • can I stay at my job or not? searching a new job or not?
  • decorating my new home
  • preparing my cats to move
  • moving out
  • hospital for some test for fibromyalgia or ???
  • finding an extra job or find a way to become a freelance blogger or writer, or trying to life from my blog. Can’t live my life with less money because of my fulltime job.
  • starting a budget planner to start safe money

Probably more changes coming, but you’ll be the first to know it.

 

I’m ending my blog here. Enough changes to talk about. In every single part of my life I had to make changes.

Love Lucy xx

If you have some tips on how to get more money as a blogger, freelancer, etc from home, please let me know.

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New Year Resolutions … To do in 2018

Well, new year … new resolutions to make for the upcoming months.

Most of the years I don’t make a New Years Resolutions list, because I know that I will not follow it.

Last year my life changed so hard, that I wanted  such a list for 2018 !

A thing that’s not on my list is being & staying healthy. WHY? The past months I have so much pain and it’s getting worst every day. So finding help for my pain is on my list. I’m not feeling healthy at the moment, so putting ‘a healthy year’ on my list would not be correct.

What’s on my list? Curious? 

2018 New Year Resolutions

  • Finding a doctor/hospital for all my chronic pains (headache, muscles pains, etc) I really want to know why I can’t do the things I love to do because of all the pain
  • save more money
  • move to my new house with my cats ! Really hope my outdoor cats will be happy with a life as an indoor cat
  • get a second job as a blogger or make my blog better to get some more money. I’m not allowed to work a fulltime job, so want something extra that I can do at home for some extra money
  • NEVER give up hope for a better future, always stay strong and stay positive !

 

So these were my things I want to do in the next 12 months.

Yours?

What are your resolutions for this year? Do you make them or not?

Well, I’m now at home. Normally I had a family party but I was having to much pain to stay, so my parrents dropped me home.
Beeing at home I’m feeling better already ! The atmosphere there was just horrible for this autistic girl on the first day of the year.

Tomorrow, the sales are starting in Belgium so this girl has to work a full day and is not allowed to be sick on the buzziest day of the year.

Love Lucy xx Have a nice FIRST day of January !

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Blogmas 19 … Spending Christmas in bed?

Skipping Christmas this year?

The closer Christmas is coming, the worst my pain is getting.

Yesterday I had a day off but it was a day full of appointements with psychiatrist and psychologist and a stop at my workplace. A day where I took one bus after the other, and was so tired at night.

Today I also had a day off, and most of my day I spend in bed. I had so much pain again, after a bizzy day.

Now I just finished writing 16 christmas cards (see blogmas 18) and now I have to write this blog with one hand. I can’t use my right hand at the moment 😮 So shocking, another stadium in my pain ???

This blogmas will be a short one, because I’m going to bed after taking some more pain killing pills. (hope they work !)

Tomorrow I’ll make an appointement to see some doctor specilalized in rheumatism or fibromyalgia. This is not normal for a 32 year to be in bed all day. Okay, my autism could make me tired, but this pain is so intense and so worse.

But first … tomorrow is a bizzy day. In the morning I have to take a bus to Mechelen for an appointement, after that I have to be at work at 11.30am to start a (I GUESS) a very bizzy day at work. Guess most people will be hunting for Christmas presents, when the kids are out of school.

In the evening I have to go to my dentist again. Glad that toothache is better and my tooth can be filled again !

So I’m sorry if I’m not able to write a blogmas tomorrow 😦 

On Thursday I have another workday, a full one. On Friday I have a day off, but I guess I’m going to spend it in bed watching ‘Fuller House’.

See you all later, hope with less pain !

Love Lucy xx

Blogmas 17 … lazy (painfull) Sunday

December 17 … week week till the Holidays

So today I had a day off. Yesterday was a bizzy workday but a great one. Like every story I have to post, I have some terrible pains everywhere.

If I work a day, I need a day to be at home and do nothing. Just laying in bed, and sleep.

But today my family had some more plans for today, so it was a very hard day.

Now it’s 8pm and the pain is just killing me, even while I’m writing this blog. My hands are thick and I have a terrible headache.

My plan for this evening was to write a blogmas about my favorite songs, but that I just can’t do at the moment. This autism girl wanted to write a blog tonight so that’s what I’m doing right now.

Tomorrow I have a day full of plans so I hope it will be okay and feeling better tomorrow.

So pain, what kind of pain do I have?

  • A lot of pain everywhere in my body and some tender points
  • Spots where I have more pain and more pressure
  • Fatigue (all day long)
  • problems with sleeping
  • a lot of concentration problems (not knowing what day it is, what I have to do or what people told me like 5 minutes ago in the store)
  • anxiety and feeling a bit of my “old” depression symptoms feeling coming back
  • every moring I have stiffness
  • numbless and tingling everywhere like my hands, knees, legs, arms
  • migraines, headache one is just over and I have another one
  • problems with my stomach
  • painfull eyes
  • and bigger neck lymph

Dr. Google?

Like many others, there’s always dr. Google. Not a good idea, because I’m freaking out when I’m searching on those symptoms.

I went to my doctor for a test to see if I had rheumatism or not. The results were negative. So he gave me some more vitamins, magnesium and iron tablets. I had to take them for a month or 2 months.

But now after a month I don’t feel any differents. It’s so sad that I have to say that the problems are getting worse.

Fibromyalgia

After searching on those symtoms I get so many results from the internet that are saying ‘fibromyalgia’.

As I’m a girl with autism I have like always tensions of all the stress I have all day in like every situation (working, going grocery shopping, taking a buss, going to the city). All that tension could make things worse.

The last thing I want is a long time spending in the hospital for doing some more test or spending days there to found out what’s wrong. Not knowing what will happen with me that day, always freaks me out.

So now I don’t know what to do. I really love my job and I just don’t want to give it up or stay at home because of all the pain. I only have 3 months left there at my work place and I want to spend those months at work and not in a hospital.

Christmas and Holidays?

This year I don’t have plans for Christmas eve, or the year ending. Besides that I have to work December 30 and 31. Guess I will be in bed on December 31 at 9pm like always 😦
While all my facebook is having a party I’ll be at home, in bed watching a movie or just sleeping.

On Christmas day I a family diner in the afternoon. But if I have so much pain and if I’m so fatigue like today. I guess I’ll be just in my room and watching a movie on Netflix. I don’t have the best family for parties. The make always so much noise and they always give me so much headache.

For you?

So I hope you all have amizing holidays this year and great parties !

One day …

One day, I hope that I can life a happy life without this much pain. That I found a really good doctor that give me some advice on how to life with this pain.

Love, Lucy xx

Blogmas 10 … the day after

Indeed the day after the big pary ! I wished I could spend it at my job, but I had a day off. So what have I been up to, the day after a long day for an autism girl???

I had sooooo much pain and had no energy

Morning

Arriving around 1.30 am this morning, oh yess it was morning again. So already here I am with blogmas part 10.

I woke up around 8.30am after beeing awake for more than 30 min. I couldn’t stand on my feet, I had to much pain on my muscles to move. So I had to stay in bed for a long time and reading all the new about the new that was coming.

After my pain was getting less I woke up and got some breakfast. Just an oatmeal chocolate milk and bread with chocolate. I was in the moode for chocolate this morning, I needed some sugar !

Plans after breakfast? Well, I went back to bed. I was feeling horrible, had a lot of pain so best plan was to get back to bed for the rest of the morning.

Afternoon

Around noon I had some time to spend with my 2 beloved cats #teddy and #blacky (blacky is the one with all the colors).

I’ve safed them from the snow outside !

When I first let them in, I guess there were singing …

Baby it’s cold outside

Oh I just love my 2 cats, can’t live without them !

OH RIGHT … THERE WAS SNOW ! THE FIRST REAL SNOW IN BELGIUM

Before noon it was snowing so much here in Belgium. It was so beautiful. Why ‘was’? Because it’s all gone sinds 2 pm this afternoon, when it started to rain 😥 So sad, I really like the snow and the cold.

Here are some pictures of our first snow

Looking at my Chirstmas tree and than seeing all the snow outsite was also so pretty. Very quiet I hope we have a white Christmas !

IMG_5589

Getting yesterday’s stuff at work

Also this afternoon, I had to pick up my clothes at work I had wore yesterday. Other things like my black Timberland boots were also there in the kitchen of the store. But it was also great to see my colleagues again after the party of yesterday.

I also went to my favorite store here called ‘Modemakers’. For years I wanted a nice black faux leather skirt.

Always the moments you don’t have the money … all those things you’ve always wanted are for sale in store. Sor horrible. What did I did wrong? Allong with buying the skirt I got a nice big towel for free because I spent over 50 EUR. It will be THE perfect outfit with a black shirt for my workdays on Sunday when I have to wear black.

Oh yeah , there’s a budget FAILURE this moment on my budgetplanner. In one way it was good that I’m going to move in February. Guess I have to look at my budgetplanner and leave my cards at home. I’m going to take a step back from modern technology and start using cash again.

Thinks to REthink about tomorrow. Now this autism girl is ready for bed, having so much muscles pain again and headache is coming. Tomorrow I have a day of, so I’m glad I can sleep a bit longer !

Have a nice evening !

Love Lucy

BLOGMAS 4 … here’s the cold, here’s the pain

It’s December! Time to drink a nice hot chocolate, go for a walk in the snow, etc. Every year I really love the winter season because it’s so cosy and lovely (I just love watching the snow fall down). It’s so relaxing for me.

It’s kind of watching a lava lamp and watch the color fall down. As an autistic girl it’s so good to clear my head.

This year

This year it’s so different. This winter loving girl is now wishing I was in Florida and could be in the sun all day.

Since a few months now I have some serious pain like everywhere in my body (neck, shoulder, arms, legs, feet, …). Just everything hurts, when I sit down, walk around, sleep.

Last week I went to my doctor and he took some blood to check if I had rheumatism. All test of the blood were negative, so regarding him everything was okay. He just send me home with some iron pills I have to take for 2 months.

I know it’s just a few days since I took the first pills, I feel more pain everyday. So horrible.

When I’m at work as a shoeseller I have to take 3 extra pills to get me through the day, and not make me cry because I have so much muscle strain.

I also feel like I’m having one migraine after the other. It’s so crazy.

Okay, I know it’s wrong to play for doctor by using Google. A few family members have some mucles problems and a few years ago before I was diagnosed with autism they thought I was having fybromyalgia too. 

Fybromyalgia or not?

The next few weeks I’m going to wait how it all will end with the iron pills but I don’t expect a mirable from them.

symptoms

Afbeeldingsresultaat voor fibromyalgia symptoms

A few of the symptoms above I have, but mostly it’s because of my autism. At least that’s what I always think.  Others I just can say I have them since a couple of months (Yeah I know a long time but doctors are not my best friends).

One by one I just can say ‘YESSSSS, I have that’. So I end up with saying ‘yes’ to every single of the 25 mentioned above.

So why I’m I still sitting here and writing a blog with a lot of pain (toke 3 pills for the pain today)?

Everybody is saying ‘see another doctor’ but I don’t trust that much people to touch me and come close to me. I just can’t go to the hospital without preparation and knowing what will happen. So many stress I have from doctors, it’s just not normal anymore.

Guess I will be sitting here for a few months and just bite me through the days, and surviving on pain medication.

Life as a girl with autism is hard, so hard!

And you?

Anyone else that’s reading my blog that have to combination of #rheumatism or #fibromyalgia and have some tips? Tips like what have you done before the diagnose or what do you have to go through in the hospital to get the diagnose?

Thanks for reading ! Love Lucy xx