Why I didn’t write on my blog this past month?

Well, it’s quite shocking for me to see that me last update on my blog was on February 19. It were some very hard 4 weeks to handle everything that was happening in my life … thinking about ‘my autistic life’. 

Here’s some more details about what happened and what is still going on with me today.

Health 

Beeing on the Autistic Spectrum gives me a lot of stress every single day is a struggle. That high level of stress everyday is making my psoriasis on my head very bad. Sometimes I just want to stay inside forever. When you just took a shower and your hair is still dirty, that’s just horrible.

Besides that I also have some rheumatism pain in my hands, fingers, wrist, shoulders, knees, toos and ankles … oh and neck aswell. I can almost say everywhere in my body. Like today I woke up at 2h30 pm this afternoon and still havinging the feeling I want to be in bed.

Working 2 days in a row is so painfull and that is killing me the days after. At work I just take some medication to stop the pain for a few hours, but later at home I feel like crap.

Next week I have some doctor appointments in the hospital to do some tests to check if all my muscle pain is coming from my psoriasis or maybe it’s fibromyalgia.

Oh yeah, going to some new doctors and doing some tests is giving me so much more stress right now. I just have to be strong the next few days. And just not freak out that I have to work from Thursday through Sunday (4 whole days!).

Work

Normally at the end of this month I was finishing my job at my current workplace. There was not a chance to stay because I was just replacing a colleague who was coming back. No place for me there, so I had to start looking for a new job. Like fulltime, parttime, more hours, extra time to travel to work, waking up at 6am again, etc. Who wouldn’t be freaking out?

It’s like starting all over again and again leaving a place where you love to work.

Last week I got the most amazing news on Monday morning. I was just starting to look for some jobs on the internet, when my boss called. They offered me a new contract starting April 2nd till …. (my pension I hope). I just can’t say how HAPPY I felt that moment.

I closed the computer and stopped looking for some new jobs. A part of my stresslevel went down. I felt so good. Keeping this job was so important, and I’m so glad for this chance they gave me.

Weight

When having this pain I take a lot of pain medication during the days I work. Besides that I also use some cremes for the pain. All those things that I do to stop the pain for a few hours, are giving me some weight gane.

Okay, at this point my pants, dresses etc are killing me. Nothing seems to fit good. So scary 😦 But I will work on a healthy diet again.

Not eating peanutbutter is not an issue. I will never give that up.

At this moment I’m baking a healty pineapple cake. So hope I can keep it healthy the next weeks.

Moving

Well as my house is almost finised, it’s also time to start thinking about moving out. Moving for the first time in my life, for the first time in 33 years I’m leaving this house, this farm. It really makes me so sad, and it’s also giving me some more stress. Oh yess, there it is again … some more stress. Like my life is under presure at the moment, time to break every moment.

I’m already started to paint some wall pink, working on my Ikea Hemnes Bathroom like I dreamed off. Oh and I started to pack at home. That is another hard and horrible thing to do. How can you pack in a few weeks? Well, I can’t, I just can’t.

When I take somenthing to put in a box, I have to think like a 1000 times if it’s the right box, do I need that thing in the next weeks, do I really need this in my new home. Saying goodbye to shoes and clothes that’s not done for me. But I have to do it. I just can’t move more than a 100 pairs off shoes in my new dressing room.

I still need some room and space for the new collection of shoes and bags that will come in the next years as I have to buy some new shoes and bags EVERY season to wear in the store.

Steve Madden is my greatest idol ever, and I just am so proud to be a  shoeseller like him and leaving my dream in a shoestore.

Depression

The past weeks I felt a bit depressed, like life was not worth it. With the help of a great team I finally can say it’s going a bit better. Not there yet but I keep working on it every day.

Having some mental problems is hard, and it’s not better in just a few days. Life is a job where you have to work on it every single day.

Glad I can see those words to myself 🙂

Blogging

I totally missed blogging the past weeks. I was active on twitter and on my Instagram but I will write and spend some more time in my blogging. Hope you will still be there to read my story !

Thank you !!!

Love Lucy xx

 

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Blogmas 24 … Merry Christmas !

” It’s the most magical time of year “

Like the song goes ” it’s the most wonderfull time of year “, everybody is having some magical days.

Everybody !

Everybody, the whole world BUT

ME

Weeks before Christmas

Weeks before Christmas, everybody is so looking forward to the holiday season. Planning what to eat on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Planning what to buy for family and friends. Where to spend the holidays, where to go shopping etc.

And than there’s the Christmas tree. Buying a new tree (if it’s a real one), or putting your plastic one again. New decorations or all the decorations you already have collected before?

All those things, give so much stress for me. And really I’m totally not ready to celebrate Christmas or New Year.

Christmas tree

So this year, I was quite early putting my tree up and putting decorations in the tree. I didn’t spend a lot of time, but everybody is loving my tree so I’m happy. I did something good this year !

Here’s a little trowback of when I set my tree up.

Christmas music

I really love Christmas music, like I wrote in my blogmas earlier this week. I can’t stop listening to the Christmas album of Lady Antebellum.

It’s still so great, every time I put it on.

Christmas spirit

I have to admit my Christmas spirit is going off and on, off and on. Some moments I really love all the things about Christmas is coming, other days I can really sit back and wish all those days were over.

Like today … after seeing the lightning parade yesterday I felt some Christmas magic. Today I kind of lost it again. I don’t really have the feeling that it’s Christmas Eve today. Christmas tomorrow, OMGosh !

Christmas Eve

Well, you might guess … I’m sitting here at my table to write my blogmas (blogmas 23 and blogmas 24) insteat of celebrating Christmas with family.

Everyone on my personal Facebook is posting pictures and sending messages of them having a great diner and playing games together. I kind of put away my iPhone for the rest of the evening.

All my friends and family are sitting at a table to have diner and have a great time with each other. Well, I’m here having a ‘great’ time at my computer.

No plans today. I kind of missed not beeing at work. The only thing I did today was thinking, thinking, thinking and sleeping. Really not in the mood and not having the spirit of Christmas.

Most people with autism feel lonely and don’t like the holidays … well I’m one of those pleople.

Grinch

Okay, don’t get me wrong ! I’m not the GRINCH ! I’m not going to steal christmas from everyone. I just having a day and evening like any other sunday.

Maybe next year will be different.

So different this year

Now it’s the first year without my granny to celebrate the holiday, so another reason for me to not like the holidays this year.

I really love things that I know, and things that are familier. Now this year everything changed since my granny passed. A thing this #aspie girl really hates. All those changes, I hate changes in my life.

Christmas Day

Tomorrow some family will come over to eat. They will come around 2 pm in the afternoon. So I have plenthy of time to sleep and take a nap after lunch to clear my head before they come.

They are so loud, and I just don’t like all that hugging and all that kissing. So my plan for tomorrow is to come downstairs later than they arrive so I can skip that part. Hopefully.

The idea that I will not have internet access the afternoon, and I will be stuck at the table, makes my so scared.

Christmas Day outfit

To escape from all the dressing stress tomorrow morning I already put aside my outfit for tomorrow.

I will be wearing my normal black skinny jeans from JDY, black scarf from Zara (if it’s to cold I have something extra).

I will also wear my Christmas jumper by H&M, that I bought a few days ago.

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Meowy Christmas to all of you ! 

For shoes I’m still in doubt. I have 2 options but they are both loafers. I will be chosing between these 2 …

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Golden loafers from ‘Marco Tozzi’, new collection available at Schoenen Torfs (Belgium)

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Gucci look-a-like from Steve Madden, winter collection available at Schoenen Torfs

The party is at my brothers house, so first I have to wear my old Timberland boots to go to all the dirth to get there (new building). So I will wear one of them inside, and maybe I’ll take the other pair with me.

The rest of the day will be hard, sitting there with all the screaming, movie playing, music playing, family talking etc. Maybe I’ll go home between all the food and watch ‘Olaf’s frozen Adventure’ on television.

Or maybe, I’ll come back here to blog, I will see.

But for now …

 

Merry Christmas to all of you !
Have a magical Christmas Eve and enjoy the time with your family and friends!

Love, Lucy xx